Imagine if you will having the combination of curiosity and sensitivity. In my youth I thought it to be the most horrible combination. I can tell you from experience that this combination leads to the possibility and even probability of pain or hurt added into the mix. I tell people all the time that I had the strap on my butt more times in a week than most have had in their lifetimes. You see as soon as I could walk, I wanted to see, touch, feel, learn, etc.. It was not that I did not want to obey my parents, just that what ever caught my attention had a stronger gravitational pull. So my routine between the years of 1 and probably 10 was oh look at that, have to see, oh-oh where are my parents, find somebody to help me find my parents, strap on the butt, and a lot of tears because my butt hurt and I did not know what I did wrong. Eventually I learned that I was putting myself into very dangerous situations and scaring the crap out of my parents at the same time. Sadly for them I learned how to find my way back before I learned self-control. Even possibly more sadly I am not sure how much self-control I have learned. As there is still this strong gravitational pull that yanks me to something I have yet to learn.
Between the years of 10 and 20 something, the pain or hurt no longer involved spankings. Instead, it came with the learning process of things like strength, courage, fortitude, protection, trust, loyalty, honesty to name a few. By the time I reached my late 20s or early 30s, I learned how to use all these things to negate or lessen the blow to my sensitivity. And am still learning how to use that sensitivity or turn that hurt into a positive solution. I know that learning how to do this will be a constant battle for infinity. I am up for the challenge though.
As far as my curiosity is concerned, that has not changed one bit. I am intrigued by that which I do not know. And It is my belief that we all have things to offer that others do not know and need. The delivery process is what needs to change in my opinion. As I have aged, what I have learned is that when you look at every chance encounter, every meeting, and every discussion there is something for you to learn, as well as, something for you to teach. As the words flow out of my mouth in every conversation, I realize instantly what it is that needs to be taught to someone. The learning part without self-awareness is much tougher. Sometimes, I realize what I have to learn the second someone speaks it. Other times it takes days, weeks, years, and sometimes a second discussion with someone new before I recognize the lesson. I even believe that when we are simply walking along and a complete stranger catches our eye and we smile at each other. The lessons that we both just taught each other are that we are not invisible; we all have the need to be recognized at times, and the other that we are simply not alone in whatever it is we are doing and we need to remember that.
If you ask me today about that combination, I would tell you what a blessing life is to have it. You still get excited when you feel that gravitational pull bringing you to something you have yet to learn. You still liven up and run into the unknown to fill yourself with knowledge. Now though, you have the ability to manipulate your sensitivity to approach this learning process with a variety of perspectives. You have the ability to look at the situation from a variety of viewpoints and feel the joy and hurt that comes along with each one. And when you pay attention to that which you feel, when your curiosity is curbed, the decision you need to make becomes clearer and clearer. When you make the decision based on that, you know you are moving your life in the right direction. So for those of you that have this same combination and you think it is deadly, I am here to tell you it is not. Learn how to embrace both and you will not be disappointed by its outcome. Life really truly can be grand. Let’s not only live it, let’s feel it..