Author: Lauras

Melting Pot or Not??

I have been wanting to write a post on the separations I see in society today as they have become so volatile. But, I have struggled to figure out where to start. They say at the beginning is always the best place, so I will start there. Before I do, however, I want to make clear the following are my truths and not necessarily yours. Also, there may be terms some find offensive in today’s day and age. They in no way are meant to be offensive, just terms used in my era and on my journey. Some of you will be happy to know that I am trying to define them and there use in my life, in order to see if changes or redefining needs to be made. I digress, so back to the task at hand.

Whether I knew it or not, I suppose my anatomy was my first separation. Congratulations it’s a girl. In our house, full of kids, growing up we had a boy’s room and a girl’s room. Although I do not think barriers ever stopped anyone in my family. Maybe sadly, maybe not so sadly, either way that is totally a topic for another day.

Kindergarten brought further separations; kids with other skin colors, kids whose families had money, and kids whose families were poor. As our bodies and minds began to change in grammar school, it added into this richness by adding tall, short, pretty, ugly, skinny, & fat into the mix. If all this was not enough, imagine walking into high school loaded with insecurities brought on by all these separations to be further separated into nerds, freaks, jocks, brains, special eds, popular kids, and clowns, just to name a few. College thankfully did not add many. But it did add a huge one; my right to vote – so Democrat or Republican? Nowadays, we have additional choices to add in such as Independents, Libertarians, & Greens.

My adult life brought in the additions of East Coasters, West Coasters, Middle America, Northerners, and Southerners. Because I have chosen to move around a little in my life, I recognize a huge benefit to that in my topic. That which I have gained in all my moving has been perspective. It is the ability, if I choose to use it, to see everyone’s side of the story. Some in my family began to notice this last November at a family gathering. While we were dining, shortly after the presidential election, my normal very talkative self remained silent for a short while as I took in the conversation at hand. I do not know how many recognized this at the same time, but suddenly they all were silent. Several looked at me to add into the conversation by asking “where do you lie in all of this”? My answer “I am in the middle trying to bring everyone to love”.

But, was I really? In the middle I mean. Every day I ask myself that same question. I am still unsure of the answer. But, I do know one thing, I definitely try to view any topic at hand from more than one viewpoint, I try to ask questions to broaden my view, and most importantly, I try to approach the conversations with love or compassion in my heart and not hate. The minute we say I hate in any conversation leads the conversation to a not so good place.

Now I am not saying necessarily that separations are always a bad thing. But, when we lose our ability to be an individual or to think differently or outside of the category or group we ended up in, well not good. And it is just as bad when we cannot see or refuse to see each individual by themselves apart from the category or group they are in. There is no saying or quantifying the amount of what could be learned or experienced if we would only see each other, each individual as we are and rejoice in that.

I always thought I attempted to do that in my life; see each person for who they are, but now I am not so sure. Was it me and/or my insecurities that was putting everyone into categories? Was everyone else doing the same as I was? Did the education system have any part in my thought process? Did they neglect to teach me things? Did they show bias or favoritism to certain categories or groups? As I grew older, what part did the political process play? Did the politicians making me feel afraid or making me promises have any part in me separating people? And well let us not forget the media. What part do they have in keeping me separated or viewing separations? What part do they play in my ignorance and fear? In the end I learned it was some of all of the above. I learned that most everybody had an agenda and sadly most of them were not to my benefit at all.

So my journey begins to bridge the separations. I think every day I am learning to try to do more of that. I am trying to see each individual for who they are, NOT for who anyone else wants me to see they are. In a society so volatile I have learned I have to be the change that I want in it. I cannot rely on my education system to teach me the whole truth. I cannot rely on the media to show me the whole truth. I must do my own research. That is why I have invited you along on my journey, because I can or we can only know your truth from you directly and vise versa. Maybe someday when enough of us want to shake the categories off of ourselves, we can together make an immeasurable impact. What do you think??

 

 

Love, Hate, & Apathy – Part 3

Okay folks it is time for part 3 – Apathy. For those of you who may not know the meaning of that word, I will define it below:

Merriam-Webster says apathy is “lack of feeling or emotion or lack of interest or concern”.

I made mention in part 2 that I did not believe that hate was the opposite of love. A commenter made mention that there is a correlation between love and hate, I totally agree. I think love and hate are closely related; too close to be opposites. When we feel them both, we feel them so intensely, so passionately. We feel them almost to a point sometimes that we lose control and the ability to back them down. The key word is that we feel them. I have long believed that apathy is opposite of both love and hate. For what is opposite of feeling intensely? I say not feeling at all; hence apathy.

I have heard it said somewhere that our brains, with time, have us forget a little to allow our hearts to stop feeling pain. Is that how we reach apathy? I really have no idea. All I know is that I need sometimes to be apathetic. Maybe more so to other human beings than to situations. Maybe at times to both. For those that know me, maybe that sounds a bit weird coming from a person that is so passionate; at times too passionate. But, maybe it is my way of protecting myself. Maybe that is all our way of protecting ourselves.

Like love and hate, I think we also can take apathy to such an extreme we lose control. I think of the people in today’s society that videotape horrific things and in no way step in to assist. Are they that apathetic to the situation at hand? Are they that apathetic to the human being involved? Are they not apathetic at all? I  can not wrap my mind or my heart around any of it. But I am going to try.

In the process of trying to wrap my mind around those things going on and this topic, I started to think about my part in it or not in it. Maybe that is the point I am supposed to see that I have been missing all along. Just maybe I have spent my life living in a bubble. Maybe I became so apathetic to the goings on around me because they really did not effect me, that I separated myself from others and their plights. And guess what maybe they did the same or you did the same. Maybe the only way to get us out of our bubbles is to have them burst. But, when that happens, will things need fixing? and how will we go about it if they do?

A wise person once told me to slow down, to not put too much out there at once. They told me people could not handle too much at once and they would just shut it off. I think I see now entirely what they meant. Bubbles are bursting and people are screaming so loud right now. Some are doing some pretty horrible things to be noticed or heard. All I see is chaos and I really want to shut it off. I see people trying in this chaos to separate me farther from others than my apathetic self already had me. And you know it, I want to shut it off. But, I cannot. I do not want to be that apathetic person any more. I also do not want to be forced into a separated category or be viewed that I am already in one. And I certainly do not want to go from one extreme (not feeling) to the other (complete feeling) in too rapid of a time frame. If I move at a high rate of speed how can I see everyone’s truths?

So I am here slowing myself down. I am trying to see you, trying to hear your truth, trying to feel your joy and pain without any outer influence. I am inviting you to come here too. When you come, I hope that you will try to see me and others, that you will try to hear our truths, that you will try to feel our joy and pain without any outer influence. I know we will not always agree, but I do not want us separated. My heart believes we can try to empathize and not be apathetic to each other any more. There is a big wide world out there for us to see and feel. Maybe it is time we burst our own bubbles and make our way out to each other instead of from each other.

As always, I can only get to know you, see you, hear you if you give me your thoughts on the topic or your thoughts on where we go from here. I ask you — Please do not be apathetic any more.

Love, Hate, & Apathy – Part 2

I do not even know where to begin in speaking about hate. This past weekends events show me that it is necessary, however, now more than ever. I thought maybe I’d begin by defining the word. But, I think there are a few other words that need defining also. Those words are frustration and anger. Here are the definitions from Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary for all three:

Frustration is “a feeling of anger or annoyance caused by being unable to do something”

Anger is “a strong feeling of displeasure and usually of antagonism”

Hate is “an intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury or extreme dislike or disgust”.

I am actually glad they used the word intense because it is a great segue into my first thought about hate. Most people say it is the opposite of love, but I am not sure I believe that. Hate is just as an intense, passionate, consuming emotion as is love. A person can express them both within seconds of each other or even possibly at the same time. So how can they be opposites? When I discuss the last of the three words, I will address this in more detail, but for now back to hate.

I would like to think that hate is a choice we can decide NOT to make. You will notice I defined the words frustration and anger in this post because I know we have all experienced both of these. It is how we choose to react when we feel these that either diffuses or heightens the situation. Sometimes diffusing comes with seeing the other side, finding the truth, or well just allowing time. When we do not allow for any of these diffusing tactics to occur, guess what? we get hate. Even when frustration and anger take us to the point of hate though, we can still choose. If the hate is in us, we ourselves can try to find additional ways to diffuse it. If the hate is presented to us we can choose how we want to react. We can react with hate, we can react with love, or we can simply choose to walk away. Whichever we decide, the need to look at ourselves and our part in it is of vital importance right now.

I also believe that hate can be taught and grows and arises out of lack of complete truth, lack of proper education, and/or an allowance of external forces to influence us. But, it is up to us as we grow older to seek the truth, to educate ourselves, and to not allow outer influences to keep us in a place of hate. When we open our minds, we open our hearts, and vice versa.

I was going to use a life experience to exemplify my thoughts on the topic at hand, instead I thought it better to maybe address some things I have said in conversations over a period of time. These are the feelings that have arisen in me over watching not only the incident that just happened, but watching all the incidences that have become violent and peoples’ reactions there to.

First, the best response to hate is not more hate. Second, when the reaction to hate is more hate, then we must be honest in seeing and saying this. We cannot only condemn the instigator, we must also condemn the response. Third, if we are being honest with ourselves then we must recognize the hate coming from us or those being associated with us. As a whole, we cannot continue to say that the violence or hate is one-sided anymore. Forth, honesty and truth are a must and we should try to seek them out. For the truth normally lies somewhere in the middle. Fifth, we should not allow ourselves to be manipulated by what others think or what they show us in edited format. And lastly, if fear causes hate and we are afraid because we do not know, then maybe we should address this and go on a quest for knowledge.

This blog is exactly that for me a quest for knowledge. A place where I can give my point of view, but more importantly a place for me to see others points of view. It is a place for me to learn what I do not know, so that I can lessen my fears, lessen my frustrations, and relieve myself of any hate that I may carry within. And these are just my thoughts in an attempt to approach this vial topic in a non-ugly manner. If I didn’t achieve my goal I apologize and hope you point that out to me. But, I am so willing to view this topic from all your points of view. So please please feel free to comment for I can only learn and grow when you participate. Oh and stay tuned for part 3.

 

Love, Hate, & Apathy – Part 1

Okay everyone, I am going to get to discussing other things like cars, fishing, perfume, motorcycles, makeup, guns, news events, etc., but wanted to tackle these three topics first. For I believe they are important in how we apply them in living our daily lives. How and when we choose to feel or react to these feelings affects every situation, every human contact, and every thing period.

As I see it, we are living in a world where we are outwardly expressing these to an extreme. For when is it okay to take a sign that has the word love on it and swing it at another human being in anger? If you want to use the word love, shouldn’t you show the word love? And when is it okay to record on video another human being drowning and be so apathetic that you do nothing, but watch them die? Was I doing or showing any of this? I certainly hope not. But, it did occur to me that I needed to define, redefine, or relearn what each one of these words meant. Only then would I be able to make a positive change in myself and my world. I hope you will walk with me while I do this. Maybe we can learn from each other.

You may have noticed that I mentioned part 1 in the title. This is because handling all three of these in one post is way too daunting of a task. It may even be too daunting to attempt to handle them one at a time, but, I shall try. Let’s begin with a story and my thoughts on love.

One afternoon when I was sixteen years old, my mother handed me a note as I arrived home from school. I have no idea why, and I suppose I never really wanted to or thought to ask her. I have carried this note with me, in my wallet, every day since. Throughout my life, I have periodically taken it out to read it, even more so lately. It helps me to think about what love is or what I think love is supposed to be. But, I have always only looked at it in the viewpoint of my relationships with my significant others. As written, it seems that is what it was meant for. I think if you minus a few words it can apply to every person we say those words to including friends and family.

I believe my mother may have copied it from a Dear Abby column, but I’m not sure. I have since tried to research whose quote this is as I always want to extend credit to the author. I will quote the author that I repeatedly found credited for it throughout the years. Her name is Laura Hendricks. The quote goes something like this: “What is love?  Love is friendship caught fire; it is quiet, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection, and makes allowances for human weaknesses. Love is content with the present, hopes for the future, and does not brood over the past. It is the day-in and day-out chronicles of irritations, problems, compromises, small disappointments, big victories, and working toward common goals. If you have love in your life, it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you do not have it, no matter what else there is, it is not enough.”

I also looked up the meaning of love. Wikipedia defines love in this way: “love is a variety of different emotional and mental states, typically strongly and positively experienced, that ranges from deepest interpersonal affection to simple pleasure.” and Merriam-Webster defines it as: “strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties. or warm attachment, enthusiasm, devotion, or admiration, or unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another.”

Whatever the meaning, for me, love comes in many shapes and sizes, and in many depths and levels. Its appearance in my life has taught me that if I am willing to endure the pain that comes with its loss, that it will eventually heal that wound and make up for what again is missing. I never did thank my mother for that note. So mom, although I thanked you for many gifts you gave me over the years, I want you to know wherever you are (I’m sure looking over all of us) that note was by far one of the best gifts you could have ever given me – Thank You MOM and I love you.

Because I think not one of us has all the answers, I am eager to hear what you think love is or what your thoughts are on the topic of love. I will look forward to reading your comments as I try to wrap my mind around the other two words and put pen to paper for part 2.

 

Let’s Get Naked…

Those are terrifying words for most of us I would think, men and women alike. But I will only speak for myself in starting this conversation with you – definitely terrifying for me. I do not mean only in the unclothing part of it, but also in the tearing back of layers of what makes me who I am. But getting to my core, however, is what is needed for forward motion. It is what is needed, I believe, from all of us for forward motion. With that said, we are not going to get to the core today, or in one discussion, and maybe not even in a year of discussions. But, we can begin somewhere on the surface.

So, life lesson #1 – learn to redefine beauty. Admittedly, I was a pretty homely child and have had that pointed out to me by more people than I’d like to admit. Age changes everything though, including appearance. And it also helps to listen to people in the know. Not saying that I even remotely think that I am physically beautiful. But, I certainly do not think I am that homely child either. And when someone who is pictured on magazine pages says to you “why do you wear all that makeup? you are so beautiful without it.”; you begin to think, what do they see that I do not?

There have to be others that feel about themselves as I do and I ask myself, how do I let them know they are beautiful? How about I try to step in her shoes and yours and approach a mirror to name one thing I find attractive about my physical self and why, and you do the same. Maybe when we start to notice attractive things about ourselves, those words “Let’s Get Naked” won’t be so terrifying anymore.

So my physical feature I find attractive, my hazel-green eyes. Even more so when they appear to be solid green. I have always loved eyes. Maybe because they say they are the windows to peoples’ souls a place I like to try to reach. The fact that mine contain green, the color of life, renewal, nature, growth, harmony, and energy, well what’s not to love about that.

Now it’s your turn… What’s your physical feature you find attractive?