Be Who You Are…

The comment to my last post and my reply have been weighing heavy on my mind the last few days. As I was sensing anger in the commenter, I replied that I was allowing the comment to go through and then added a but. I mentioned being honest in that reply. So if I am, then my reply was simply in my wanting to possibly tone down the anger. My fear is that anger leads to hatred and hatred gets us nowhere. Hence, my homepage saying I wanted a positive environment for everyone. Even my significant other tells me quite often “you cannot be positive all the time”. No you cannot and I do get angry. But I suppose, I try very very hard to suppress it and release it in a more positive way. So in replying the way I did, I have been questioning myself, was I allowing him to be who he was? I want him to know it was not my intent to even remotely try to stifle that in him-If I did. Because to his point, this is my page and I have power here. I suppose I am trying to find balance as I listen, try to absorb, and change in ways that I need to.

Those thoughts led me to something else he said. That was that discussions needed to be had. I 100% wholeheartedly agree with that, they do. I also believe though hatred and anger need to be toned down as well. But how and where do we begin. I hear constantly people saying “discussions need to take place”, “we need to heal each other”, “we need to love each other”, among other things. Every post I make, I invite you all along and I invite you to have a voice and to participate. Then I wonder why you are not? Do you not have time? Do you not want to be heard? Do you not want to be part of a solution? Do you not like me? or the things I say? Are you afraid? I hope to one day find out the reasoning, as for now I will continue to be as authentic of myself as I can be and continue to ask you to join me. I know you will when you are ready. I am so thankful for the ones that do. They make me more hopeful everyday that there are people ready to be who they are and let their voice be heard – whether they are angry or not.

These last few days I have also thought about a couple of things that I experienced in the last few months. The first, a new person brought into my life. He is from a country that experienced a genocide and survived it. We had many discussions about the why it happened, the how it happened, the who it happened to, the changes that came about from it, as well as, thoughts about this country; its great accomplishments, its triumphs, its biggest disappointments, and failures. I was able to see the perspective of someone not born in my country and I shared my perspective as someone who was born here. There is a lot to learn when we take the time to get to know each other. But knowing each other has to start with authentically being who we are and to not be afraid to share that. Matter of fact, on a humorous note, he asked me if everyone in Texas wore jeans and boots all the time, even in 100 degree heat. Well that lets you know my attire for the entire week we spent learning about each other. I said no, believe it or not, there are women in Texas that actually wear dresses, skirts, flip-flops, high heels, etc. I told him, sadly or not, that I was unfortunately not one of them women. That I thought most people dressed for others and that I preferred to dress for comfort. I told him for the most part I was not afraid to wear my boots with shorts, skirts, dresses, you name it – they are so comfortable. He laughed. I would like to hope I made a friend. But if he was only supposed to be put in my life for a brief moment, then I will cherish the discussions and the things I learned and took away from them.

The other, a project I was asked to take part in. I absolutely did and loved the idea of it in the first place. A great-nephew is on his way to college. Embarking on that journey that takes us from childhood into adulthood. The project involved us writing our thoughts, stories, poems, quotes, words, words of encouragement, memories, etc.. Anything we wanted to write and leave for him. They were all put in a jar and given to him as he graduated from high school. He has read them all and I hope he keeps them forever and takes them out periodically. I find it interesting to see how much we change, have changed, or are changing; I hope he does too. Because I have been away from my family for a long time, although the memories are great, they tend to be few. So I decided to provide things I’ve learned and thoughts of my own journey. One of the things I wrote to him was “Be Who You Are”.  For me and maybe all of us that may constantly change as we learn and experience things. I wanted him to read those words because it took me a long time in life to not only be that, but far more importantly appreciate that. Just as important, there have been people brought into my life at different junctures, that in their own way tried to get those words across to me. I will be forever thankful for them and appreciative of the life lesson learned as I hope he will be also.. I have no doubt that he will.

So I think my thought is that all of the healing needs to start with us individually being who we are, while also allowing each other to also be that. And as I release the weight that has been burdening me the last few days, I make a promise to try to step back and let you all be that, even if that is angry. I will do my best to try to dispel the difference between anger and hatred and ask that when and if you come you leave the latter at the door. I will also continue to bring you who I am and do my best to try to be part of the solution and not the problem. And when you are ready, when you find your voice, those of us here or at least I, will welcome you with open arms and will be excited to get to know you and hear what you have to add to the discussion.. If you just want to keep reading for now, that is okay and I thank you for taking the time to read what I have to say and for your interest in trying to get to know me.. Whether this is the time you add or not, please remember to “Be Who You Are” because no matter what anyone says — that person is wonderful and awesome…..