Category: The Spirituality Center

On my last post I asked us all to take part in a project, to take the time to recognize someone, just one person. Whether it be to smile at them, say hello, comment or compliment them, it did not matter. Today I want to address a what if. What if the person you smiled at, or said hello to, did not respond or reciprocate? What if the person came back to your comment or compliment with a scowl or worse? Well, remember this is about you not them. I say do not be a mirror. Far to often we are and we do not even realize it. What do I mean by do not be a mirror?

I guess the best way I can tell you is by giving an example. Imagine your late for work and in a hurry. You had a flat tire that is now fixed and only want your morning coffee and the morning or day to be over with already. You stop to get your coffee and now you are stuck in line. Now imagine you are the cashier trying to move as fast as you can to get your line down, trying to keep up with the emptying coffee pots, with the emptying grills and/or shelves, even running two registers at the same time if necessary. Guess what you want? Your darn morning or day to be over with already. Now it does not matter which person you choose to be, both are frustrated, aggravated, and stressed. Both have no idea how the others day started or has been. So what do you do? Here is where the choice is crucial. One choice is rather easy, the other takes discipline, fortitude, strength, and more. You can choose to be the mirror and explode on the other while they explode on you, or you can choose not to be the mirror. You can, as hard as it will be, be the change. You can take a deep breath, slowly exhale, and recognize their bad day and try to make them feel a little better. You just might find you make yourself feel a little better too.

Now none of us is perfect, and we all at times, are going to be the person who has to explode our bad day, to let it all go. My hope on those days, is I do not get a mirror. My hope on those days is that the receiver makes the choice to let it go and understand. I do make every attempt to make those kinds of days minimal, or to change my thinking and reaction to those kinds of days. Life happens to all of us, learning how to flow with it, is not always easy. What I have learned in my life is days are always better when I choose not to be the mirror to someone else’s bad day. They become even better when I have the strength to provide kindness, forgiveness, understanding, compassion, and love to the person who is having the bad day. I actually find that it makes their day a little better also.

So maybe our next project is to try to recognize when we should and/or should not be a mirror. When we should reflect back to someone what they are giving us, when what they are giving is something positive. And when we should not reflect back to someone what they are giving us, when what they are giving us is completely and utterly negative. When we try to step out of our own shoes and into someone else’s we just might find, their day is just as bad as ours and something needs to change. Why not be the one to change the course.

You all know I love quotes, so I will leave you with this one from Pearl Bailey ~ “We look into mirrors but we only see the effects of our times on us – not our effects on others”.

I guess I should begin this story by letting you know that I like to be comfortable. So, quite often I wear jeans, cowboy (or cowgirl) boots, and depending on the occasion t-shirt, dress shirt, sweater, etc.. I also should let you know that country life usually relates to having a pick up truck. With that said, the other day I headed out to run a few errands. At one of my stops, I turn to get out of the truck, and before I knew it, I am on the ground on hands and knees trying to keep my head from hitting the concrete. You can laugh, I give you full permission, I did. I do know in the split second before I fell, the heel of my boot got stuck on what I think was my pant leg, and BAM down I went.

I find it funny that the first thing we do, in this day and age, is hop up no matter how hurt we are, to see if anyone saw us, and to be sure we are not going to be on someone’s you tube video. Then we try to assess the damage. Not bad this time, a little concrete rash and bruised knee cap on one leg, some scrapes and scratches on both arms, and a little bit of the jitters from the fall. But, all in all, not anything that I will not get over fairly quickly.

The second thing I noticed is that someone was climbing into their car and never did ask if I was okay. For years, anytime I have fallen or done something rather stupid, my first reaction is always embarrassment. If I am not hurt that badly, my next is laughter at how much of a dork or klutz I am. Matter-of-fact I made up this little game I play with my sister, unintentionally mind you, to see who has the worst horror story. I call the game “Mommy didn’t name us grace”. Back to my point though, in years past, even though I had those reactions myself, if anyone was in the vicinity, laughing or not, they always did manage to ask was I okay. What in the world happened to us? And can we manage to find our way back?

I guess life experiences, fear of lawsuits, fear of abduction, fear of some other harm being done to us, or fear in general have made it so we do not involve ourselves anymore. I find it hard to believe that the mass of people will do any of these to me. Somehow, however, the minority always seem to create the reaction. I am here to let you know that I am trying to find my way back, and hopefully will bring some of you with me, to a time when I cared if someone was hurt when they fell, a time when I saw someone stranded on the side of the road and stopped to see if they needed help, a time when I felt a huge connection to all others around me. I truly am trying to kick fear to the side of the road in order to live a much fuller enjoyable life.

I have found that I am a much happier person when I take moments to let others know that I truly do see them. Whether it is with a smile, a simple hello, a thank you, or a comment or compliment on something about them, usually the reaction from them shows me that it made them a little happier also. Now it will not always, and that is okay, because it is not about them, as much as it is about us, about us being better people. So today’s project for all of us, notice one person and do something like smile at them or say hello. It is in these moments that lives get changed forever. Maybe tomorrow it will be two. I still have hope, no matter how many tell me otherwise, that we someone can find our way back to each other. So let all of us start with just one.

 

As teenagers we were asked by our high school to write a favorite quote to be placed in our yearbook with our pictures. My favorite quote then is still my favorite quote today, and something that took me years to live by. Although admittedly there are times, though they may be few, that I have to remind myself of this quote and reapply it to my life. The quote by Rabbi Hyman Schachtel goes something like this: “Happiness is not in having what you want. It is in wanting what you have”.

Now Webster’s Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary defines happiness this way: “1. good fortune;prosperity-2. a state of well-being and contentment; a pleasurable satisfaction-3.aptness;felicity”. Now I did not have an unhappy childhood, teen years, or even early adulthood, per se, I just became more aware that I was not living my quote the older I got. I think somewhere in my early 30s I really thought about that quote and said to myself, am I really grateful for what I do have. When I started to live my life in that way, wanting what I had, instead of having what I wanted, I reached a level of happiness I had never felt before. And everyday since, I try to remind myself how lucky I am and grateful I am for everything I have, and am blessed with, and that makes me truly happy.

I even used it in a conversation with someone just yesterday. What was said to me yesterday is that I let people walk all over me at times and that has kept me from being successful. I asked the person who said that to me to kindly define success. Well, Webster’s Seventh Collegiate Dictionary defines it in this way: “1. outcome;result-2. degree or measure of succeeding;a favorable termination of a venture;the attainment of wealth, favor, or eminence-3. one that succeeds”. Now I knew this was not a put down of me, more that this person defined success the way the dictionary did. And I sometimes like to live by my own definition.

So I told them, “you may be correct in that I do let people walk all over me at times. But, during those periods I learn such things as strength, resilience, fortitude, and I will even add the word compassion”. I went on to say “I have a home that I love, I am loving, compassionate, and generous. I have a man, a family, and many friends in my life that are also all of those things. Do you not think that is not success? I am far happier than I bet some of these billionaires are. Because they will always want for more”. They looked at me and said I guess you are right.

Trust me, it is not about being right or wrong. It is about living a happy life and redefining some of the words that society makes you feel you have to be. When I stopped looking at myself as a failure for not becoming say a manager, or moving up some corporate ladder, and started to see that I had so many wonderful, beautiful things in my life, I started to realize how truly happy, blessed, and successful I am. And all the money in the world will never change that or take that away from me. So when someone or yourself tries to make you feel less than anything you think you are or should be, wipe that thought out of your head and realize the beauty you have and that surrounds you. Try to be thankful for that.

In closing, I will leave you with another quote I found for all of us to think about. It may even become my new favorite, or at least among the top. It is a quote about happiness from Democritus. It goes like this: “Happiness resides not in possessions and not in gold, the feeling of happiness dwells in the soul”.

Happy New Year everyone..

As this day approached I, like every one of you, began to think of what my resolutions would be for this new year. Would I lose the minimal 10 pounds I know I need to lose. Should I resolve to finish my course work, get my health in order, or spend more time on my career? All these things I need to accomplish. But as I looked back at the past year and remembered what I saw every time I turned on my television and sometimes my phone or computer; the vile viciousness, the hatred, the violence, the ugliness, how divided we were – and becoming more so, I thought I needed to make better, bigger, bolder resolutions in this new year. I need to try to bridge the divide. I think I have known this for some time, it is now time to step up.

Then I read an article about how most of us fail to follow or complete our New Year’s resolutions – so true. The author suggested that we think about what we truly want for our year to come and express it in one word. Then we live that one word in our daily lives. Remembering last year, and feeling like it would continue into this year, when I began thinking about ways that I wanted to change this year, I tried to see if it summed up in one word. You see I want to become the person who sees someone hungry and shares my meal, to see someone sick and do what I can to make them feel better, to see someone blinded by whatever it is and give them clarity, and to see someone who feels so alone and lonely and make them know that they are not alone. Very lofty goals I know. And can they be expressed in one word? If they can, I think the one word and my word this year will be “GIVING”.

I think I will begin my giving by sharing something I wrote several years ago. I hope you like it, and even more so, I hope it makes you think about yourself and your effect on this world. For it is my belief that every moment matters. Here it is:

                        
                            ALL OF ME


I have gone through life
With my hand held out
For anyone who wanted to take hold
Several tried to slap it shut
But they could not get it to fold

I have also stood
With my arms open wide
For anyone who wanted a hug
Several tried to get my arms to close
But they could only get me to shrug

As soon as I could feel, it beat
I have offered up my heart
For anyone who wanted, or needed, to feel love
Several tried to make it break
But they did not know, what it was made of

When I felt like I was old enough
I have offered up my brain
For anyone who had, like me, an eagerness to learn
Several tried to get my mind to close
But they could not stop my intellectual yearn

Eventually I have offered all of me
My hand, my heart, my brain
For anyone who wanted a friend to hold, to love, to share ideas
Several tried to take pieces of me
But they could not see, love replenishes, it appears

I have learned that life is truly lived
When the gift I give is me
From the touch of my hand, pang of my heart, 
Or something I need to teach
It matters not the length of time that is shared
It matters the depth that is reached

by,
Laura Standrowicz
c: May 2010

So as I enter my year of giving, if the only thing I have to give is myself, then I shall do what it takes to not break this New Year’s resolution. And I hope with all my heart that each one of us, finds the strength and fortitude to keep our New Year’s resolutions, whatever they may be. Most importantly, I hope that we all find a way to make 2018 a very good year — together.

Anytime I can share myself with you, my soul sings a little louder and shines a little brighter. So today, as we await the arrival of Santa Claus, I wanted to share a few things with you, my Christmas gift to us all: a reminder of sorts. The first is who our modern-day Santa Claus is, the second is something I wrote that is very fitting for this time of year, and the third is something Jesus wanted us all to know about the child in us all.

To begin, our current day Santa Claus is the merging of Saint Nicholas and Father Christmas. Saint Nicholas or Sinter Klaas, as the Dutch call him, which is short for Sint Nikolass, was a monk born in 280 A.D. in modern-day Turkey. It is said that he gave away all his worldly possessions and traveled the countryside helping the poor and sick. Some in this world celebrate him with gift giving on the anniversary of his death December 6th. Father  Christmas was alive in 16th Century Britain under the reign of Henry VIII. He is said to be the emblem of good cheer and is the bringer of peace, joy, good food and wine. I ask you, what is not to love about this merging? I for one am glad that the embodiment of these men by others over generations and centuries keeps many in this world believing in Christmas miracles. So today, if you are anticipating as I am, the arrival of Santa Claus, Christkind, Kris Kringle, Jultomten, Pere Noel, or whatever you may call them in your part of the world, remember to keep love in your heart and enjoy the feeling of gift giving. For me, my heart sings with this gift from me to you:

             How Come They Only Come When I Dream
            
When I was young and lost a tooth
Under the pillow it went
As I slept the fairy would come
A wave of the wand
The tooth would be gone
Replaced with money to be spent

Then each year as Easter arrived
Eggs would be boiled and colored
Then put up for me to eat
Again as I slept
The bunny hopped by
And left a box full of treats

I can't forget the jolly old elf
Who came each year dressed in red
Delivering toys he said I deserved
But only if I promised to sleep
Every year I'd awake to find what I wanted
Every year my belief in him was preserved

Try as I might to meet and greet them 
Were they real? I wanted to know
There was something about them not what it seemed
That always perplexed me 
And I could never figure it out
How come they only come when I dream??

Never was I able to catch them
In their often most generous acts
But I learned as I grew a thing or two
About whom all of them were
Now I pass forward that which I've learned
And my belief in them grows stronger too

So the next time anyone tells you
That they won't come unless you sleep
Hop in your bed, lay down your head
And of them continue to dream
When you awake I'm sure you will find
Generosity's spirits not dead.

by
Laura Standrwicz
c: January 2010

Once Santa is home and resting after a long night of work, many of us will awake to open our gifts and to celebrate the birth of Jesus. When I think about this combination, I think of something Jesus said and am told in St Matthew 18: 4-5 “Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me.” I hope this day reminds us all of innocent times and brings out the child in us all. I further hope that we remember the season of giving and find a way to share of ourselves with others.

From my heart to yours,

Merry Christmas one and all…..

Dear Santa,

In case you are wondering if us adults still believe in you, I am here to let you know for sure, I do. I cannot imagine that I am the only one either. Knowing that, let me begin by warning you to be prepared. You see, I have no intention on ever becoming too big or too old to come to you for my Christmas wishes and I will also always want a photo. For your sake though, I will save your knee from my excess weight and will leave that to the littler ones.  I know!! whew…

I also want to thank you for all the past Christmas wishes you have fulfilled for me. Many stand out in my mind, though one in particular I will never forget. It was my first Christmas away from my family. I am sure you remember. I was someplace new, living in a place I just moved into, with no friends, no family, and seemingly going to be alone on my first Christmas away from home. That was hard for me as all my prior Christmases with a very large family were always lovingly chaotic and loud and fun. So when everyone left my new place to spend Christmas with their respective families, not only was I alone, I was also lonely. I can only equate your Christmas magic and miracles to answering my Christmas wish to not feel so lonely. True to your generosity, I awoke Christmas morning alone, yet I was no longer lonely. Somehow Christmas morning I awoke with a complete feeling of warmth and love and I knew that I was not alone and would never be again.

That memory leads me into this years Christmas wish and trust me I do not do anything easy – so sorry in advance. I really hope this has been a nice year for me and not a naughty as I really would like this wish granted. I am also hoping you do not have to check your list twice to find me. With that said, this year if I could have one thing for Christmas it would be more TIME..

Time to do more housework and yard work. More time to work on my book, business, and blog. Way more important though, time to spend and share with others. I wish I had more time to tell Michael and DD that I miss their friendship and thank them for how beautiful they both made me feel. Time to tell my parents that I miss them, love them, and am so thankful for the family they brought me into. Time to spend with my siblings, nieces and nephews, and great-nieces and great-nephews, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. I remember when we were all in grade school and now we are in our fifties and sixties. My nieces and nephews were just being born and some now have kids of their own. Being away from home I have missed a lot, but every minute I get to spend with them is cherished. I will not forget those that have been my friends, are my friends, and those yet to become my friends. The moments spent with them, though fleeting, with us laughing, talking, crying, etc are irreplaceable. Those moments do much for my heart and soul.

I also wish I had more moments to ask forgiveness from those I may have harmed along my journey – knowingly or not. And even more so, moments to find forgiveness for those that may have harmed me – knowingly or not. And sometimes I just love the moments, I can sit out with a cup of coffee in my hand, and just experience life; listening to the chirping of the birds and the whistling of the wind, watching the blossoming of the trees and the people and traffic going by, watching the rain or snow falling to the ground, and smelling whatever it is that my man is cooking for breakfast. Even in my stillness the time is not wasted.

I have learned in life, that all things take time. So please Santa if you would, please give me a little more time. I promise you, I will not waste a minute.

With Love and hope that you get to rest after your busy season,

Laura Standrowicz

 

So something happened this past week that had me wanting to write a post about a certain topic. A conversation the next day with people feeling the exact same way told me I was on the right path. The topic; respect. Webster’s Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary defines that word as “a relation to or concern with something, or an act of giving particular attention”.  The word may have crossed your mind a time or two during this busy holiday season. What better time than now to maybe raise a little awareness to the fact that we are all guilty of disrespect. Most of which is unintentional or because of lack of knowledge in my opinion. But there are those that for some unknown reason do it intentionally. I may never reach them. But, if I can change just a few lives, than maybe I have done my part.

I will not go into full detail about what happened to us, other than to say it was blatantly obvious that this person had the intent to disrespect us. My guess is that they wanted a scene to be made. Trust me, we could have done several things that would have caused that to happen. And I will not say that several did not cross our minds and were very hard for us to resist doing. I am, however, trying to be aware of my place in solutions and not problems. So with that said, we moved on and got what we needed to get done. Before leaving the premises, however, I did politely and nicely speak to the manager, who I knew could do nothing about what the customer did. I also took corporate information. The manager did apologize, we accepted and went on our merry way.  At this point, I have still done nothing with the corporate information as I try to find a way to suggest or recommend a positive solution to those up the managerial chain. I could just complain, but I would rather see a beneficial solution to an ongoing problem with the location and bring some respect back to the equation.

The next day, I got into a discussion with a couple of gentlemen that drive trucks (eighteen wheeler) for a living. And boy did I get an earful of how disrespected they felt. Having worked several years in close proximity to them, I so could empathize with what they felt. I have watched people tell them “oh, you are only a truck driver”. I thought to myself, if people only knew. It did not take me very long working in the industry to realize that everything in my life, and I do mean everything, is hauled by a truck driver at some point. Whether it be the materials my home is made of, or the food on my table, or the stove that heats my house, everything is transported by a truck driver and we should keep that in mind.

On top of that, try to imagine that your job has you on the road all day, everyday. Now add in mass population scurrying around in their daily lives. I think our lack of knowledge puts us in dangerous situations we do not mean to put ourselves in. You see this truck driver knows that his or her empty weight maybe somewhere around 40,000 pounds, and if he or she is full 80,000 pounds. Although they could have a permit to be even heavier than that depending on what they are hauling. So when we, not thinking, cut them off, imagine his or her stress to slow, stop, and/or avoid impact with our 5,000 pound vehicle. One of the gentleman even said he was ticketed for swerving out of his lane recently, even though the police officer clearly saw the woman (with two children in the rear seat) cut him off. His choices, a probability of death to more than one had he proceeded on course or swerve to avoid an accident. I am not the only one, I am sure, glad he chose the latter. Sadly, he paid a price.

These are just a few examples to try to raise awareness to what we all do in our hundred mile an hour hectic lives. I know you have your own horror stories to tell. We all probably have several a day. With that said, maybe the next time we run in someplace as they are closing, we will be aware of the disrespect to the establishment. Maybe when our phone rings and we are at the check out, we will think twice about disrespecting the cashier and others in line behind us. I know in my personal life there are things I can put off, if need be, to show appropriate respect. Although I fail miserably some days, I am now trying to make an effort to change that. If we all just took a minute everyday and became aware of what we do, imagine the improvement to the level of respect. I have had my minute, have you taken yours?

 

 

The title pretty much says exactly how I feel. Most of humanity, I believe, have their horror stories of being sexually harassed, harassed, raped, or somehow victimized in other ways. And even if for their own healing or benefit, their stories need to be told and heard. In the process of doing this I think we all need to recognize something far more important, and that is, that everyone’s individual response to their horror story has changed the life of someone else; whether for the better or the worse. Now I am not sure exactly how I feel about today’s goings on with the destruction of people’s lives some decades later. It may just be a necessary evil, however, needed to wipe the slate clean and give us an opportunity for drastic change. For myself, I have always been a two wrongs do not make it right kind of person and think it is better to try to find the cause of the behavior and fix it instead of allowing victimization to continue for years and to many others and then destroy lives. At least that was my attempted response to my me too moments.

Now another me too moment that I am keenly aware of, is my mothers. Looking back at our upbringing and some of the things she brought into our lives, I can see the conflict in her, caused by her me too moments. There are probably many things she did wrong in our upbringing as she refused to admit and face her demons. But, there are definitely many things that she did right. We always had food on our table, beds to sleep in, a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs, etc.. She even provided these things, if only temporarily, to others who she recognized needed the help. Most of those others remain a part of our tight-knit family and are considered siblings to this day.

I want to shine the light on the outcomes of the things that she did right. Because we all have the choice to do right in the face of something horrific happening to us. I am unsure if my siblings would agree with me in the outcomes of what she did right. When I look at them, I see it shining so brightly in their successes. Now you might define success the way Oxford Dictionary defines it “The attainment of fame, wealth, or social status“; I do not. The fact that all of us are loving, compassionate, generous people is probably my mothers greatest success. Add to that, all of those things have now been passed on to further generations; grandchildren, great-grand children, etc.. We are all educated and have great work ethics, strength, resiliency, stubbornness, and I could go on. I consider us a success because we all learned to give back to humanity and what better definition for that word is there than that.

Maybe if we all thought of success in those terms, than we would not make the trade-off of our silence for careers, money, or any other means. Yes it is hard, demoralizing, shameful, and fearful to do the right thing sometimes. And maybe the right thing for each of our moments is to simply protect ourselves. Maybe it is to stop the cycle no matter the cost to ourselves. I wish I had the answer to what the right thing is. Maybe if I knew it and could spread it, we could minimize the amount of victims. Maybe the knowledge that it is all about power is the best place to start. Maybe if we add in the recognition that some are just evil and some are passing on what they were taught as victims of the me too, than we can begin to make changes.

I would like to hope that me too moments would be wiped from the face of humanity, but evil exists and so they shall continue. So if we know this to be true, that they will continue, how can we fix the damage once it is done? or can we? Many say it is too late then. I would like to think that anything and everything is fixable. So as we wipe the slate clean, for the sake of humanity, we should try to find ways to fill the slate with the necessary things that will better us all.