There have been a few people in my life that have said things to me that have impacted me so greatly, that not only do I remember what they said verbatim, but the words continue to ring in my ears. I want to tell you about one that has been on my mind the last few days. I will also share with you, what she said to me that I have never forgotten, and a few of my thoughts.
She and I became friends to everyone’s disbelief. People thought we could not be more opposite. She was street smart and me book smart, and she a bad ass biker chick and me, well, I do ride but nothing bad ass about me. I think maybe we needed each other in some way. She had a loyal, kind, generous, loving person in me and I had a protector to watch over me to keep me that way in her. I never did see a bad ass biker when I looked at her. I saw a beautiful and fragile girl putting on an outer shell and it is entirely possible she saw the same thing in me.
When I met her, she had just purchased a motorcycle from a mutual friend. It was a 1957 Panhead that I nicknamed “the outlaw”. They say “the outlaw” was fitting for her; just as bad ass. So bad ass at times, that she would have to work relentlessly at kicking it over. As hard as it was though, she refused to give in and let anyone help. When she finally turned it over, what a noise that machine-made. You could hear and feel it coming before you could see it arrive. To this day, because of that, we still wonder how the freak tragic accident that critically injured her and eventually claimed her life, ever happened.
Back on point, several years prior to her passing, I was having a bad day and went to see her at work. She had no customers so she could take time to talk to me for a few minutes. I was so sad, hurt, and emotional asking her why people we knew were so cruel to me. I did not understand. I have always had a big heart, still do, and I tend to wear it on my sleeve for the most part. So I guess I can be easy prey for some. Anyway, she leaned forward and said “I want you to remember what I am about to tell you” I replied with an okay. She proceeded to tell me that we all have something we are born with and we can choose to give it away, but when we do, we can never get it back. I can hear her today telling me “you have something that they gave away a long long time ago and once they did, they can never get it back and they hate you for that – DO NOT – let them or anyone take that from you ever”.
For years I have wondered what she saw that I had that others have given away. Was it some naivety that I had when I look in wonderment and curiosity at this big wide world? Was it a lack of certain experiences? Was it a non-diminishing hope that love will always win? I still have no idea. There have been, however, different thoughts running through my brain lately. One is my fierce determination to not become them or like them; to not be cruel to others. I think I have honestly made attempts and conscious efforts to watch how I react to others and to situations. When they were cruel to me, I refused to give it back. In most cases, I simply removed myself from the locale or situation and limited my suffering or hurt. The other is a never-ending ability to love through pain and hurt. In today’s society, things like cruelty and hate are so prevalent and visible. It is hard for all of us to refrain when hate and cruelty are thrown at us. Most people throw it back or build a wall to protect themselves. What we really need is to throw back love and that is never ever easy to do once you have been cut. I suppose I try that tactic first; kill them with kindness, and if that does not work I walk away. I also try not to build a wall because what happens if the next person is throwing love? I definitely want to be able to feel that. Maybe from the grave she has been whispering in my ear all these years, keeping me on the straight and narrow. I know that I have become a better person because of her and hope that I have made her proud wherever she is – one of my angels watching over me.
We never know and expect what life has in store for us and some are gone way to early, gone before we share things we should have shown them or told them. I wrote a song or poem about motorcycle riding 5 or 6 years before her accident and never did show her. I want to share with you the part that I wrote about her:
“She’s upon “the outlaw”, the love light in her eye… She’s got a feeling in her, she can’t live without her ride… As she kicks “the outlaw” over, and the engine starts to roar… She knows she’s headed down another road, she knows in this life for her, there’s a whole lot more” ~ Laura Standrowicz 1994
My advice, from her to me to you, lets not wait until it is too late to share what we should share and lets stop sharing the things we should not. I’m ready – are you??
How many times in our lives have we heard that “our words are powerful”! I suppose many would have thought this statement is reserved for the elite, politicians, educators, philosophers or theologians. In reality it applies to each and everyone of us. We have all been wounded to the core by someone else’s words as a child. Some causing long term debilitation. The saddest thing about this fact is that if you ever approached these childhood acquaintances they would never recall the incident. As pre-schoolers, grammar schoolers, and early adolescents perceivable insults are spoken without ill intent or malice. To flip the coin we have all had moments when words lifted our spirit at our lowest point of existence. A kind word that made us feel the most powerful we have ever felt or given us incredible life altering confidence. I have grown and matured enough now to be mindful of the words I speak and just how powerful my words really are.