The other day something was said to me, that not only caught me by surprise, but instantly hurt my feelings. The more I transform, however, the more I learn that things can only hurt my feelings if I allow it. I suppose in my reply you could sense the shock and hurt. You could also sense my disappointment. Among other things, I told them that it did not matter what they thought of me, that I would love them anyway; because that is who I am.
Since that day, I said that I would no longer think about that conversation, that the more I think about it, and let it affect me, the more I give it power to guide my course. It is, and was, a hard enough battle for me to truly love myself, to realize my self-worth and power, to believe that I was courageous, strong, beautiful, and loving. So when moments like these arise, I am put back in the battle of lacking self-worth, questioning my confidence, and back to a place of fear. I refuse to go there anymore, or if I do, I want out instantaneously.
There was something that had gone through my mind before my response to them, and probably the biggest reason for the creation of this site. My thought was that you have no idea what I have been through to say that to me. Sure enough, as I am reading something this morning, there it is in big bold letters – “Everyone Has A Different Story…”. So this morning, I did let the thought of that conversation reenter my mind, in order to look at it from all perspectives, realizing that those words rang true the other direction. I did not know their complete story either and why they would feel that way about me.
Then I realized a couple of things, that there is a huge lack of trust in each other, a huge lack of letting each other in, a huge lack of learning about each other. Because evil does exist in this world, and most are very quick to use it, most shut their inner most beings off to the rest of the world in order to keep them safe and protected. The big how to, is how to let our inner most beings shine and keep them protected at the same time, while trying not to injure others. I guess that is what faith and forgiveness are for.
So I find myself wanting to know more, to know what has happened in your life that would make you feel the way you feel, and wanting to tell you about my life so that you may have a better understanding of why I feel the way I feel. Maybe they did have a point to what they said, and maybe there was some truth to it, that was completely beyond my control. Maybe it is not necessarily about me the individual, as much as it is about me being put somewhere by forces beyond my control. And I further find myself thinking that it is human nature for us to rise in power by putting someone beneath us. Yet the best thing I can do, is try my hardest to attempt the delicate balancing act of helping someone develop their own power, while not losing mine at the same time. I am learning that humanity requires a big balancing act and that is what the law of love (“To Love Thy Neighbor As Thyself”) is for. If we could find a way to follow that law, just imagine the heights we could reach, and the things we would find ways to compromise on.
In the end, I am trying to live a life of gratitude and grace, though it does not always happen that way. I am also trying to recognize the lessons put directly in front of me, to broaden my view of the circumstance, in order to do so. So with that said, I have never wanted this to be a one way street, so when you are ready, I and/or we are ready to share in your existence. I only ask that you keep the vibes positive, because I am learning that positive begets positive and a life of gratitude and grace are a life truly worth living.
What a great post! In my spiritual walk and all the progress I have made I found myself backsliding the other day. Coming from a quick and vengeful place of reaction rather than my usual calm and collective self. In that moment I realized my body was being plagued with mental, emotional, physical stress. I instantly knew to forgive myself and rest the physical body. After all it is our “TEMPLE”. I went to a place of solitude and sat quietly for awhile. I have been mentoring others on their journey and they were quick to pull me aside and not only tell me what a great teacher I was but told me the law applied to me….Lol! Boy did I get it. There has been so much twisted in God’s great book to misdirect and enslave the masses and empower others that it saddens me. However…I am a super fan of the 10 commandments. And yes….so important for us to treat others as we also desire to be treated. If love were a cornerstone, forgiveness a cornerstone, kindness a cornerstone what a great foundation that would be! Thanks for this blog! By know means are we perfect. How quickly can we recognize our faults and show a desire to change and come from that loving place?