Okay folks it is time for part 3 – Apathy. For those of you who may not know the meaning of that word, I will define it below:
Merriam-Webster says apathy is “lack of feeling or emotion or lack of interest or concern”.
I made mention in part 2 that I did not believe that hate was the opposite of love. A commenter made mention that there is a correlation between love and hate, I totally agree. I think love and hate are closely related; too close to be opposites. When we feel them both, we feel them so intensely, so passionately. We feel them almost to a point sometimes that we lose control and the ability to back them down. The key word is that we feel them. I have long believed that apathy is opposite of both love and hate. For what is opposite of feeling intensely? I say not feeling at all; hence apathy.
I have heard it said somewhere that our brains, with time, have us forget a little to allow our hearts to stop feeling pain. Is that how we reach apathy? I really have no idea. All I know is that I need sometimes to be apathetic. Maybe more so to other human beings than to situations. Maybe at times to both. For those that know me, maybe that sounds a bit weird coming from a person that is so passionate; at times too passionate. But, maybe it is my way of protecting myself. Maybe that is all our way of protecting ourselves.
Like love and hate, I think we also can take apathy to such an extreme we lose control. I think of the people in today’s society that videotape horrific things and in no way step in to assist. Are they that apathetic to the situation at hand? Are they that apathetic to the human being involved? Are they not apathetic at all? I can not wrap my mind or my heart around any of it. But I am going to try.
In the process of trying to wrap my mind around those things going on and this topic, I started to think about my part in it or not in it. Maybe that is the point I am supposed to see that I have been missing all along. Just maybe I have spent my life living in a bubble. Maybe I became so apathetic to the goings on around me because they really did not effect me, that I separated myself from others and their plights. And guess what maybe they did the same or you did the same. Maybe the only way to get us out of our bubbles is to have them burst. But, when that happens, will things need fixing? and how will we go about it if they do?
A wise person once told me to slow down, to not put too much out there at once. They told me people could not handle too much at once and they would just shut it off. I think I see now entirely what they meant. Bubbles are bursting and people are screaming so loud right now. Some are doing some pretty horrible things to be noticed or heard. All I see is chaos and I really want to shut it off. I see people trying in this chaos to separate me farther from others than my apathetic self already had me. And you know it, I want to shut it off. But, I cannot. I do not want to be that apathetic person any more. I also do not want to be forced into a separated category or be viewed that I am already in one. And I certainly do not want to go from one extreme (not feeling) to the other (complete feeling) in too rapid of a time frame. If I move at a high rate of speed how can I see everyone’s truths?
So I am here slowing myself down. I am trying to see you, trying to hear your truth, trying to feel your joy and pain without any outer influence. I am inviting you to come here too. When you come, I hope that you will try to see me and others, that you will try to hear our truths, that you will try to feel our joy and pain without any outer influence. I know we will not always agree, but I do not want us separated. My heart believes we can try to empathize and not be apathetic to each other any more. There is a big wide world out there for us to see and feel. Maybe it is time we burst our own bubbles and make our way out to each other instead of from each other.
As always, I can only get to know you, see you, hear you if you give me your thoughts on the topic or your thoughts on where we go from here. I ask you — Please do not be apathetic any more.
Not only do I love this blog and it’s contents but I am enjoying, appreciating and learning from the comments and response of others. I often ponder the following: Why is it so difficult for Humanity to achieve peace, love, partnership, coexistence etc.? If given a choice why would we choose something else? Is it the ego, is it materialism, is it power and control at the root of the separation? Maybe a combination of all three? I just don’t get it. Laura and I partook in a FB discussion this week. The both of us were far too balanced to take sides. After all a personal goal of mine is greater understanding of both sides of the goal. What Laura and I offered up was two recommendations. 1) to seek greater knowledge of both sides of the issue and 2) to do some self reflection and ask yourself whether directly, indirectly, or even from observation mode how I may have contributed in being an influence in such circumstances. The woman’s response to the above was that ” she couldn’t be bothered”. How sad a thought that someone could aggressively take a stance but not be fully educated. In everyday living I find the same to be true. We can so easily pass judgment and choose a side (even in the smallest of decisions) but we cannot be bothered to be consciously aware of the facts that got us there in the first place? Free will and choice has been in existence since creation. Why does one choose unhappiness, friction, hatred and separation over happiness, peace, love and unity? I know even pondering the question fills me with the desire to be a better listener, have better understanding, and strive to be a better person in any capacity that I can be.
I love this series. Having been in therapy for more than 15 years this topic does resonate. I think apathy is the result of exhaustion, feeling defeated by a sense of helplessness after trying too hard to fix that which we cannot change. We lose site of where our power truly lies.
Lately I’v been recognizing this boundary that I’m struggling to maintain. It’s easy to establish but hard to keep up. It’s the assertion that I am not responsible for other people’s emotions. I may wish to offer understanding and compassion and of coarse love and respect, but it can’t be demanded of me without my losing my sense of self. It has to be given freely, and why wouldn’t I? It only makes for a better world. The way in which it is taken or demanded makes me into a people pleaser and that goes south in a hurry.
As is true with many people, the most important person in my life wasn’t very clear on the importance of this boundary. Maybe eventually she figured it out. I am grateful for the strength I’v acquired from having to fight for it but I needed help from someone in order to culture it. I have a friend who is much like her. Always trying to make me responsible for her emotions, even though the happy ones (“You make me so happy”!). (“I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around you!”).
I guess as a society we’ve run amuck thinking that our joy and pain comes from the outside. It’s only stimulated. Our choice in lieu of apathy is to step off and remain compassionate until we know what we can do.