As I awoke this morning, my head kept repeating; “Oh the mother and child reunion is only a heartbeat away”. I remember nothing else, but this. And like most humans my first thought went immediately to the negative. Crap… if my mother and my husband’s mother are both deceased, than which one of us is going to die? Then I said to myself, “Why do I think like that? Why does that have to be the thought? Why can’t I think it is more positive? Why didn’t I go to the spiritual instead of the physical?”
I suppose that was my first thought, because in my journey I am recognizing the programming that has been there my whole life. Click on the TV, computer, or phone, and see how much positive is out there. We live a life bombarded with negativity, and all of it effects our body, mind, and soul. And when we pass that forward, the damage we do to others is immeasurable. I am trying to refuse to do that here, bombard anyone with negativity. Maybe I am even trying an attempt at making myself and others whole again. Making an attempt to see possibility.
The more I thought about it, the more I said “if my mother is only a heart beat away, she must really be waiting for me to open my heart to her presence in my day”. She must be waiting for me to realize she is with me every step. I do not acknowledge that, as much as I do my dad. Just yesterday I told some customers that I am my fathers child. That like him, I will tell complete strangers my life story in ten minutes. He is the reason I say “I’ve never met a stranger, that wasn’t my friend”. There are things I love because of him. Things he used to do with us or taught us, like ice skating, investigating the woods, camping, sports, talking, walking, and the list could go on. Today I realized I do not give my mother as much recognition in my days. So if I do not invite her in, how could she be there??
It is entirely possible that I avoid bringing my mother into my days because I begin to feel heartbreak, and think of things I need to heal from, or she needs to heal from, or both. My heart breaks knowing that my mother’s childhood was robbed by a man who was supposed to love her. That meant we were not taught by her, some of the things we should have been. We were not shown some of the affection in ways we maybe wanted. I learned long ago that we still learned what we needed to from other sources, and maybe we still are. Speaking for myself, and getting over expectations, the affection I thought I needed, I received. Moving far away meant limited visits for many years. Then one day word arrives that her physical time on Earth was running short. I can still hear the hospice persons’s words ringing in my ears “there are very few human beings who could endure the amount of pain your mother is putting herself through to stay coherent enough to visit with you”. What would that do to your heart? Knowing your mother was enduring the unthinkable, AGAIN. My mother passed a month or so later.
Today I took a huge step and invited my mother in and yes I cried as I walked and relived some of those thoughts. But, then when I looked for the positive, I remembered something so so important. My mother used to invite children that she recognized in similar situations to her upbringing, or children less fortunate, or ones in dire need of some stability, into our lives. I guess I didn’t realize then, that even if my mother couldn’t change their life circumstances or outcomes, she could certainly provide them with moments of joy, fun, laughter, peace, and love. She could show them possibility. I came to that realization myself about ten years ago. A brief moment of any and all of those things injected into someone’s day can change the course of a life forever. Thank you mom for helping me remember this. Thank you for the much needed mother and child reunion. You have no idea how much it meant. I promise I will invite you in more often.
I will leave you with this dear readers; love is the one thing that never ever dies. Remember to let it in. The message it brings may just change your course. You may just be reminded of the things we should be bombarding each other with — joy, fun, laughter, peace, and above all else – LOVE.. If you have thoughts or comments feel free to leave them. Even better, feel free to start a positive conversation.
I found it interesting sis that one of today’s testaments was called “Heal Your Wounded Spirit” and it spoke of Jesus telling us to forgive our debtors, love our enemies, and pray for those who harm us. The three things I make a valiant effort to walk in everyday – forgiveness, love, and faith.. Thanks for the comment and joining the conversation..
You are beginning to understand so much sister. Mom married at a very young age. An age that most would say a human is not fully mentally mature. She had a religious fanatic mother who instilled fear through religious dogma and a father who was incestuous. Her parents lifestyles were polar opposite. Mom protected us the only way she knew how. Again…mom was an extremist. When you look at things on a larger scale what mom did (however unpleasant for us) was to break the cycle of incest and rape. Once I understood THAT….I chose to forgive. Everyday I remind myself of a line in the movie “The Shack”. When he finally chose to forgive the perpetrator he asked God why was he stilled overwhelmed with anger and hatred? God said we must forgive a thousand times a thousand times. I speak with mom everyday. Women are responsible for birthing life. The vessel by which our souls choose to incarnate on this planet. When I read the 1st line of this blog I didn’t have a negative thought at all. To me…a heartbeat away means that they are closer than we actually think. Once a person transitions from the earthly bond they see all and know all. They understand the damage they may have caused and are here ready and able to assist when we call upon them. I communicate with both mom and dad daily. They are part of my spiritual posey when I do the work that I do. When we forgive anyone for any indiscretion the following morning is a dawning of a new day for us to further evolve and create our OWN lives and decisions moving forward. It is important to view events in our lives for growth but to not continually give those particular events too much of our power in blame. I loved this blog. How you were able to recall good and show gratitude. In gratitude wonderous things await us..