Dear Readers, I am here today because I read an article, that both a sibling and friend shared. The name of the article “What I Said When My White Friend Asked for My Black Opinion on White Privilege” written by Lori Lakin Hutcherson and published July 23, 2016. Here is the link: https://onbeing.org/blog/what-i-said-when-my-white-friend-asked-for-my-black-opinion-on-white-privilege/ . I think it is a good article to read to enhance our perspectives and gain a little understanding. I have said twice in the last two days, “what I am learning in this life.. just when I think I know, I do not know”. I say this, as I am curious and believe that openness to learning anything and everything is essential. After reading the article, I had my own questions of Lori or anyone else who could answer them. It is my belief some of the things that have brought us here are our… fear, silence, anger, hatred, lack of kindness, and an extreme lack of forgiveness.
I will state for the record, for those that do not know, I am white. I have also tried to live a life in kindness, compassion, love, understanding, and respect. I know I have totally failed at times. Probably more often than I like to think or admit. Some will be shocked to read, that I have felt more times in my life, like I did not fit in anywhere. Maybe we all feel like that and just stay silent to that truth. In high school, I was never invited to anyone’s parties, why? I am not sure. But, although I had friends and/or acquaintances in the groups, as they liked to separate too, or were forced to separate too, I never really felt in any of them. I rarely did drugs or drank, I was smart and maybe even nerdy, played softball, sang in the choir, and marched in the color guard part of the band. Maybe I was a little bit of all of them, or not enough of any of them. It becomes clearer to me daily, that there are more people, that feel the same way, or have felt the same way. Maybe we all do. It is difficult to know and feel our own worth, in this world, and stand in that truth no matter what or who we are..
I will also say I have addressed, in a previous post, a similar topic, when someone whom I grew up with, told me “my white privilege” was showing. Her saying that, truly hurt me to the core. My intention was never to hurt her, and I hope she knows that. I would like to think my heart has always been in the right place. She and I have been separated for a long time, neither of us really knows the experiences of the other, this is why I have questions to anyone who can answer them, and why I started this blog. For us to find a way to put our anger, hurt, and hatred aside, and begin to know those same things in others. Or even better to celebrate the wins, the accomplishments, the joys, and find peace with others. Although others may feel it necessary to be heard or seen, I have never been a big fan of destruction, anger, or hatred bringing about change, because end result usually is someone else getting hurt. Is there a way to make the change from the positive and understanding?? Is there a way to make change without someone being hurt??
Back to my questions to the article: Can someone feel those same things that Lori felt from members of their own race, ethnicity, sex, religion, etc? I think I have and my husband as well. For sure we have felt them from people of an upper financial status.. My biggest question, however, and really one that may bring other questions up in the conversation: Can someone have White Privilege and still have experienced exactly or near exactly the same things as Lori but in reverse?
Here are a few of my examples:
Example one… In my late teens, on a bus trip to New York City, wandering about the city seeing as much as I could. I had heard about 42nd street and the area where New York has celebrated New Years for years. So I wanted to see it. As I got to the area, I proceeded to walk down 42nd street to see what it was like. About four blocks down or more, a man (not my race) put his hand on my shoulder and said excuse me miss. He was preaching on one of the corners. As I turned around, he asked me “what in the world are you doing here?” I suppose I had not noticed I was the only white person in a several block radius. I told him “I was just sight seeing”. He said “not in this neighborhood”. He told me to go back the way I came, to not look back, and to not take it slowly. Feeling afraid now, I made my way back to Times Square and carried on. Maybe my privilege thought I could go there? Maybe there wasn’t any privilege at all? And what exactly did he save me from?
Example two… In my mid twenties, I moved from one coast to the other. On my drive I wanted to see as much as I possibly could. One of those things was the St Louis Archway. I had no map, no directions, just kept driving towards it. Low on gas, and probably not too many blocks away, I stopped at a gas station to fill up. I had not noticed I was the only white person there, until I went into pay. As I asked the cashier (not my race) to start my pump, he said “Girl, what in the f__k are you doing here?” I responded “trying to get gas and see the Archway”. He said “get your gas and get the hell out of this neighborhood as fast as you can”. Afraid again, I got my gas and got back on the freeway, never did I make it to the Archway. What did he save me from? Was it feeling like Lori felt? or was it more harm?
Example Three… In my later twenties, I had a friend from work (also not my race). We would go out after work, either near work, or to a place I frequented. She had taken me to her home, her cousins home, her neighborhood. I had met her family and close friends. We shared a lot of love and laughter all of us. One day, she wanted to take me to where she frequently went. So we dressed up and made our way. The evening itself was nice. I was the only white person in the establishment, and several made their way over and introduced themselves. We danced and had fun. What I had not noticed, nor did my friend, is a group of about 8 to 10 women had gathered and were whispering among themselves. They had waited until we were ready to leave. They followed the two of us out, yelling for me to stop. They used racial slurs and called me every expletive in the book, among other things. My friend grabbed me and threw me behind her. She gave me directions to follow, to get me safely to the vehicle. She had put herself between me and the mob I will call them. Each step we took back, they took forward. She, with amazing courage, stood up to them and saved me at the same time. She apologized over and over and over again for putting me in harms way. She thought more of humanity as did I. I told her no apology necessary.. We knew love..
Today, my husband and I live in a predominantly black neighborhood, and we do have some that given the opportunity, blow their hatred our way. Others will apologize for the actions of their relatives, and friends. Living here, I have also experienced Lori’s truth, being pulled over in an auto we own. Truth is, I know they thought we were not white, but could not tell through the tinted windows. I know that it was every bit of wrong, wrong, wrong to be pulled over without committing a crime, or breaking a law. I also know my experience, was probably a whole lot different, then Lori’s husbands. So please do not think I am not willing to understand or hear truths that need to be told. Everybody has truths, and I think the creator knows what they are. I think we just need to share them with openness, kindness, gentleness, and love, and NOT hatred.
I would like to think that I have not viewed every officer, the way I viewed the one that pulled us over. I would like to think that I have not put people in groups or viewed them in that manner. Maybe I have and do not know it. Maybe, people group themselves out of fear, safety, compatibility, etc. I would like to think that kindness and respect go along way, and have tried to use them in many a situation. I have recognized those things from many others as well, like the two men in the first two examples. I think there is so much more to what each of us has experienced and maybe it is time to take each individual as they appear, to be kind to them, to respect them, to forgive them, and to love them. Maybe it is time to see each other as God sees us – perfect in who we are.. What are your thoughts??