Category: The Spirituality Center

It is all about the human spirit or soul

Love Should Not Be Just A Word…

Many years ago someone said to me “Do not expect me to tell you I love you everyday. Those words are so overused and people do not mean them anymore”. True to their word, the amount of times I have heard those words I can probably count on both hands. That is not to say they have not loved me or shown me love. I have felt their love in numerous ways. In how they support me, in their communications with me, in the interest they have shown to teach me things, etc.. I write this post as two others, in recent days, have made the exact same statement to me. So if I am to be honest with myself and you, I have found and continue to find validity in their words.

Love is an emotion that we give to and share with each other. In an article I read today someone said they loved their car and a book. NO – you like your car and a book. You cannot love them because neither of those two things can feel emotion or return it. We have replaced words like appreciation, like, and gratitude with the word love. It is time we put love back in its appropriate place and truly mean what we say. I will use the word guilty to describe all of us. Even worse, I might think, there are times when I feel that emotion and should say those words and do not. I guess I have to believe in my heart that the recipient can feel the emotion even if I do not say as much. It is my hope that they feel it in the same way I do; in my support of them, or my communications with them, or in the well thought out gifts I give including my time.

When I see the truths in what these three have said to me and am perceptive to it, my mind says no wonder we are in the volatile place we are. In the process of detaching the emotion from the word, we have allowed negativity and hatred to fill the void in between. We have so skewed the meaning of the word. We tell someone we love them as we beat them, we love them as we belittle and rape them, we carry a sign with the word love and swing it at someone. How do we expect anyone to truly know what love is? Only by saying and showing it at the same time can we truly teach someone what it is. Sadly, in all our years in this separation, we have no idea the damage we have caused each other. And in our struggles with this separation there has been so much pain, that we have found ways or tried to find ways to numb it instead of fixing it. In its purest sense love should bring peace, joy, happiness, calm, safety, and security, among other things.

I shed this light only to burn a brighter one.  I see the awakening and feel the healing in myself and others as people begin to speak their truth and release their pain. You may not yet see this awakening, but I and others feel it coming at us like a freight train. Many yell at the top of their lungs that it is too late to do anything about the damage. We must know it will not be easy to cure or fix the ills. Maybe we are not supposed to. I used the analogy the other day that we currently are like telephone poles and the first one has fallen and the weight on the wires is pulling down the next and then the next. But there is good news and hope rings eternal in me and I know somewhere in you too. That truth be told with every devastating blow, there is a void created and chance for a rebirth. What will we fill the void with?

I say if we can find a way to reconnect and use that word only when we feel its emotion, and even more importantly if we can properly teach it, than I know we can fill the void with love. For there are truths to love – It is powerful, it also has a ripple effect if we choose to pass it on, and most importantly – IT ALWAYS WINS….

Combining Curiosity..

Imagine if you will having the combination of curiosity and sensitivity. In my youth I thought it to be the most horrible combination. I can tell you from experience that this combination leads to the possibility and even probability of pain or hurt added into the mix. I tell people all the time that I had the strap on my butt more times in a week than most have had in their lifetimes. You see as soon as I could walk, I wanted to see, touch, feel, learn, etc.. It was not that I did not want to obey my parents, just that what ever caught my attention had a stronger gravitational pull. So my routine between the years of 1 and probably 10 was oh look at that, have to see, oh-oh where are my parents, find somebody to help me find my parents, strap on the butt, and a lot of tears because my butt hurt and I did not know what I did wrong. Eventually I learned that I was putting myself into very dangerous situations and scaring the crap out of my parents at the same time. Sadly for them I learned how to find my way back before I learned self-control. Even possibly more sadly I am not sure how much self-control I have learned. As there is still this strong gravitational pull that yanks me to something I have yet to learn.

Between the years of 10 and 20 something, the pain or hurt no longer involved spankings. Instead, it came with the learning process of things like strength, courage, fortitude, protection, trust, loyalty, honesty to name a few. By the time I reached my late 20s or early 30s, I learned how to use all these things to negate or lessen the blow to my sensitivity.  And am still learning how to use that sensitivity or turn that hurt into a positive solution. I know that learning how to do this will be a constant battle for infinity. I am up for the challenge though.

As far as my curiosity is concerned, that has not changed one bit. I am intrigued by that which I do not know. And It is my belief that we all have things to offer that others do not know and need. The delivery process is what needs to change in my opinion. As I have aged, what I have learned is that when you look at every chance encounter, every meeting, and every discussion there is something for you to learn, as well as, something for you to teach.  As the words flow out of my mouth in every conversation, I realize instantly what it is that needs to be taught to someone. The learning part without self-awareness is much tougher. Sometimes, I realize what I have to learn the second someone speaks it. Other times it takes days, weeks, years, and sometimes a second discussion with someone new before I recognize the lesson. I even believe that when we are simply walking along and a complete stranger catches our eye and we smile at each other. The lessons that we both just taught each other are that we are not invisible; we all have the need to  be recognized at times, and the other that we are simply not alone in whatever it is we are doing and we need to remember that.

If you ask me today about that combination, I would tell you what a blessing life is to have it. You still get excited when you feel that gravitational pull bringing you to something you have yet to learn. You still liven up and run into the unknown to fill yourself with knowledge. Now though, you have the ability to manipulate your sensitivity to approach this learning process with a variety of perspectives. You have the ability to look at the situation from a variety of viewpoints and feel the joy and hurt that comes along with each one. And when you pay attention to that which you feel, when your curiosity is curbed, the decision you need to make becomes clearer and clearer. When you make the decision based on that, you know you are moving your life in the right direction. So for those of you that have this same combination and you think it is deadly, I am here to tell you it is not. Learn how to embrace both and you will not be disappointed by its outcome. Life really truly can be grand. Let’s not only live it, let’s feel it..

 

 

 

I Shot The Moon…

Should I admit it? Probably not. Should I live in fear of someone saying I sexually harassed them? I am not going to. And yes you did hear me right. I shot the moon. Some of you who know me, might find that hard to believe. Others are probably laughing right now, saying I am not shocked. Maybe shocking, or not so shocking, there is actually proof floating around out there. You see the only times I have ever mooned in my life was actually for the camera. Pictures taken to be sent to someone as a laughable matter. My apologies to the camera man or woman as they were the ones with the close up view. Course, I did have a nicer butt back then, so maybe it was not so offensive. Do I regret it? No. Did I lose friends over it? Maybe acquaintances, not friends. I always say, those who truly know and love you are going to truly know and love you. Those people will approach you to work out any kind of grievance they have. The others will stir up problems and/or walk away if they cannot rile up the situation. Would I do it again? Very possibly. And guess what, I would fully accept responsibility for my actions today just like I did then. I may not have liked some of the outcomes back then, but I accepted them and moved on. I also learned a great deal about the type of people everyone was, based on the happenings, including myself. That was then, however, and this is now. And if you ask me, we have literally lost all common sense.

Some words of wisdom I think I want to impart. I have learned in my life, that the mere fact that I exist is offensive to some. So in this day and age when we are offended about everything, I am totally going to admit that I have offended and still offend people. Guess what, you do too. Unless we all want to duct tape our mouths and put bags over ourselves, may I suggest we put a little common sense back into society. I am going to tell you a truth. Unless you walk into a room that you are the only one in, you may be offending someone. Can we all just please get over ourselves?

I have or at least am trying; to get over myself I mean. Another little piece of factual information, is that I have a disorder that sometimes, if not all the time, makes my eyes big. Trust me, I think I have heard it all. “Why the hell are you looking at me like that?” “Damn girl, you do not need to look so surprised.” “Yeah I saw your response to those prices, they are high aren’t they?” In each instance I have had to explain that I have a disorder and do not know how big my eyes really are. People then apologize and my normal response is there is no need for an apology. I have even received compliments on how beautiful my eyes are, I say to each his own. The good news is that in more cases than not laughter abounds. The reasoning may be because I choose not to get offended. Maybe we can all start to choose that for ourselves. We just might find that laughter is healing for the soul and we probably should do more of it.

I am so glad I can say that now; about laughter. It may surprise you to learn that the same person that shot the moon was really, really, really sensitive as a child. I was offended and hurt by everything. I probably spent the first two decades of my life, if not more, crying. As a believer in fate, as she or he would have it, I have had some great people in my life that have taught me invaluable lessons. Most of those lessons, probably unintentionally, taught me more about myself than they did about others. I took what I learned from those people and grew a harder shell, learned to not let what others say or do hurt me, and really learned to recognize humor. Today when I look back, I almost feel bad that I allowed others humor to hurt my feelings. And in recent years instead of approaching some and bringing up an offense that I felt at the time, instead I am thanking them for the humor and laughter that they have brought into my life since day one. I tell them it took me a long time to truly appreciate humor, but man do I now, and pretty much recognize it everywhere. Of course, that is when the anger is toned down. Humor is so much easier to see and feel when we live with a little more light in our hearts. So even if I am the butt of the joke, have at me, because everyone’s laughter is not only soothing for their soul it is also soothing for mine.

 

 

D.C. I still hear and feel you..

There have been a few people in my life that have said things to me that have impacted me so greatly, that not only do I remember what they said verbatim, but the words continue to ring in my ears. I want to tell you about one that has been on my mind the last few days. I will also share with you, what she said to me that I have never forgotten, and a few of my thoughts.

She and I became friends to everyone’s disbelief. People thought we could not be more opposite. She was street smart and me book smart, and she a bad ass biker chick and me, well, I do ride but nothing bad ass about me. I think maybe we needed each other in some way. She had a loyal, kind, generous, loving person in me and I had a protector to watch over me to keep me that way in her. I never did see a bad ass biker when I looked at her. I saw a beautiful and fragile girl putting on an outer shell and it is entirely possible she saw the same thing in me.

When I met her, she had just purchased a motorcycle from a mutual friend. It was a 1957 Panhead that I nicknamed “the outlaw”. They say “the outlaw” was fitting for her; just as bad ass. So bad ass at times, that she would have to work relentlessly at kicking it over. As hard as it was though, she refused to give in and let anyone help. When she finally turned it over, what a noise that machine-made. You could hear and feel it coming before you could see it arrive. To this day, because of that, we still wonder how the freak tragic accident that critically injured her and eventually claimed her life, ever happened.

Back on point, several years prior to her passing, I was having a bad day and went to see her at work. She had no customers so she could take time to talk to me for a few minutes. I was so sad, hurt, and emotional asking her why people we knew were so cruel to me. I did not understand. I have always had a big heart, still do, and I tend to wear it on my sleeve for the most part. So I guess I can be easy prey for some. Anyway, she leaned forward and said “I want you to remember what I am about to tell you” I replied with an okay. She proceeded to tell me that we all have something we are born with and we can choose to give it away, but when we do, we can never get it back. I can hear her today telling me “you have something that they gave away a long long time ago and once they did, they can never get it back and they hate you for that – DO NOT – let them or anyone take that from you ever”.

For years I have wondered what she saw that I had that others have given away. Was it some naivety that I had when I look in wonderment and curiosity at this big wide world? Was it a lack of certain experiences? Was it a non-diminishing hope that love will always win? I still have no idea. There have been, however, different thoughts running through my brain lately. One is my fierce determination to not become them or like them; to not be cruel to others. I think I have honestly made attempts and conscious efforts to watch how I react to others and to situations. When they were cruel to me, I refused to give it back. In most cases, I simply removed myself from the locale or situation and limited my suffering or hurt. The other is a never-ending ability to love through pain and hurt. In today’s society, things like cruelty and hate are so prevalent and visible. It is hard for all of us to refrain when hate and cruelty are thrown at us. Most people throw it back or build a wall to protect themselves. What we really need is to throw back love and that is never ever easy to do once you have been cut. I suppose I try that tactic first; kill them with kindness, and if that does not work I walk away. I also try not to build a wall because what happens if the next person is throwing love? I definitely want to be able to feel that. Maybe from the grave she has been whispering in my ear all these years, keeping me on the straight and narrow. I know that I have become a better person because of her and hope that I have made her proud wherever she is – one of my angels watching over me.

We never know and expect what life has in store for us and some are gone way to early, gone before we share things we should have shown them or told them. I wrote a song or poem about motorcycle riding 5 or 6 years before her accident and never did show her. I want to share with you the part that I wrote about her:

“She’s upon “the outlaw”, the love light in her eye… She’s got a feeling in her, she can’t live without her ride… As she kicks “the outlaw” over, and the engine starts to roar… She knows she’s headed down another road, she knows in this life for her, there’s a whole lot more” ~ Laura Standrowicz  1994

My advice, from her to me to you, lets not wait until it is too late to share what we should share and lets stop sharing the things we should not. I’m ready – are you??

 

Changing And Rearranging..

Today my world started like any other day with coffee, sports, news, etc.. Then an article I was reading set off a discussion and forced some thoughts and revelations. First, a discussion with my significant other about his thoughts on the what ifs. What if a nuclear bomb, what if a nationwide electrical shortage, what if a cataclysmic event happened, would we survive? What would the survival rate be? Course I was met with the usual “you are crazy” kind of response. But I persisted and then pointed out societal things that could make any one of these a possibility if we do not change our behavior. But can we? And can we in time? So he actually thought, gave me a response, and we had a valid discussion about all kinds of things including our current political environment. He toned down some of my fears while I showed views from multiple vantage points of all situations. A learning process for us both and I see now that there is much to learn from him so I better get cracking.

With that in mind, I thought when I first started my blog, that maybe I could have everyone look at ourselves, and each other, to try to heal ourselves, and each other, before it was too late. I have come to realize that it may already be too late for some. I realized that wheels of destruction, division, hate, misinformation, misunderstanding, and lack of education were put in motion a really long time ago that possibly cannot be stopped. Especially when there is money being made to keep it that way. These wheels can be survived though and it will take some re-learning, different education, different thought process, less convenience, and probably pain we are going to have to be able to endure. Over these past few months I myself have been changing, learning, teaching, rearranging, etc.. Though I have no intention on stopping my blog, you will see some changes coming to my site as I change and as I struggle to find my path. I have spoken to you about many things since I began. Things like: beauty, love, hate, apathy, courage, truth, division, self-satisfaction, personal responsibility, speech, silence, and more. Some of you have added in and given the rest of us great food for thought. And we will need these things, maybe now is just not the time. So I hope you remember them when the time comes. This leads me to my first revelation. That is, my thought process needs to change. Maybe I am not supposed to help fix, instead maybe my healing will begin in an attempt to teach what is needed for when we are completely broken.

My second revelation comes in, when I say my thought process needs to change, I really do not mean in small ways, I mean in leaps and bounds. Take for instance I was told recently that in my past I have jumped to conclusions, believed what I wanted to believe; whether truth or not, and because of this I have been disappointed. When I thought about that statement and my most recent disappointment, and equated my thought process into it, on went the light. See for my entire life I have thought that the harder I worked and the more of my time I was willing to give to a company meant I would be rewarded by upward motion. Only in one instance did that happen, and shockingly it was in a very creative environment. In my last position, like most others, I watched friends of friends continue to advance while I did not only my own job, but part of theirs. Eventually, when people are put in positions they can no longer handle change is made. I finally changed my situation by leaving and beginning on a journey to seek knowledge about myself, my environment, and about company and corporate environments. My change in thought process is not that I should not work hard, as I always have and I will continue to do so, but instead that I cannot fix the structural short comings of corporations. Eventually I know they will fall like a stack of cards, and when they do they will need guidance, knowledge, truth, and many other things to survive, just like the rest of us.

My new journey is to educate myself and maybe you too with the things that I am learning. Things that can and will help us when we finally are broken and past the hate and the divisions. I hope you will still come and see what I have to say and add in if I am in error or you know more on the subject. Be prepared I may possibly, or will, take us back to early times in my passing on of information. For example, one of the things I have been researching as of late, are some of the plants or trees on my property. Maybe I will discuss them and then maybe you will plant and grow your own. I am not sure what I will discuss moving forward, but I hope to merge my quest for knowledge, with my love for teaching and creativity. And I really hope that you will enjoy being part of the journey to come and that it will be beneficial to us all.

The lion’s share of courage…

As I sit here and think of two people who have had a presence in my life and their current battles for survival and wellness, I cry tears of sadness for the struggles I know nothing about, but can only imagine. My tears are for their weight in the battle and for their family’s and closest friend’s weight as well. One word comes to my mind during this process; and that is courage. What it must take in strength and all else to stand up to a formidable foe. Thank God they are not alone in their battles. Of course, if we all learn to share, no matter what, then none of us are really alone in our battles. But I digress.

As Merriam-Webster’s Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary puts it, courage is the “mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty”. Sometimes when we know others are fighting battles like these, we can think ourselves not to be courageous at all. Matter of fact, I wrote something a long time ago about how weak I felt I was. It sometimes is a daily struggle to not feel this way. I would suppose this to be true for all of us. The joy of life, when we share it, is there is always someone, even when we think there is not, to share our burdens with, to help us carry our load, or to lift us up and show us how courageous we really are.

We often equate courage to heroic events or types of people. For example, the people who give their lives, in events such as mass shootings or terrorist attacks, to protect someone they love or complete strangers. Or firefighters doing their jobs running into the blaze to try to control it, when everyone else is running out. Our military, who most say are courageous just simply for volunteering to protect and defend our Constitution and way of life. These are all great examples of courage. They are all very easy to see and define. I want to talk, however, about the word on a broader scale; on a day-to-day – you and me scale.

I have friends that live in places where crimes happen nearly every minute. To me they are courageous for simply living in that situation. They also are courageous in their battle to try to better themselves so as to not stay there. The people who willingly live there and stay there in their attempts to bring change to these places for sure are courageous. A marathon runner who feels like dropping to the ground at mile 20, but continues on to finish the race; you guessed it courageous. I could go on indefinitely in my examples of what courage looks like. And I know you could add many more as well.

Courage, however, is not who we are, but rather what we become in those moments when we make the choice to stand up to an adversary. For each one of us that adversary could have a very different meaning. I become courageous when I put myself out here as I struggle to find confidence. Those who are tongue-tied become courageous when they stand in front of us to let their voice be heard. The boy in grade school who finally stands up to the bully; courage. We may even be shocked that the bully became that way because he was trying to stand up or survive a bigger bully. And as unpopular as this is going to be for me to say, when the world is standing and you kneel to be heard, there is courage in that as well.

So today before we let our strong opinions get in our way, and by the way there is definitely courage in letting some of those go, maybe we can take a moment to think about what thing we did today that required us to have our own courage. After that, maybe whether we like the way it was used or not, we can recognize the use of it in others. If nothing else, we should be able to find some common ground in that we all have it and we all use it.

I always ask you to participate in this journey so that we can get to know each other. I know you participate by reading, and hope one day your participation will add commenting. I will truly love when that day comes. So if it be today that you found your voice, let us know, what required you to have courage today? or how did you apply it in your daily life? Inquiring minds really do want to know.

 

 

 

What is the truth??

I have had many conversations in the past few days about teachers and students, facts, positions of authority with microphones or platforms, emotions, anger, insults, and I could go on further. All of these led me to believe we were all ignorant to some extent. So I was going to do a post on ignorance, which Oxford’s Dictionary defines as “lack of knowledge or information”. But then last night someone said to me “no people are thinking and they need to stop”. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. People were trying to become knowledgeable and were seeking information, that that was not the problem. The problem was finding the truth.

But, what really is the truth?? In the conversations I have been having on a political level, I have learned that some get their facts from the communication level. They get them from people they trust, great orators, people in positions of power and authority, or people with nationwide or worldwide platforms. While others are skipping the communications channels and viewing historical documents, scientific research, and reading legislation. Is either side wrong? Neither side thinks they are. That is why we are so divided. Bringing us together will come when both sides are ready to realize that the truth is, both sides do not match. For example, if the orator says he is for universal health care, but then gives subsidies in his legislation to large private insurance companies – what is the truth? Or if an orator, does just the opposite says he is for free market health care, but then creates a monstrosity like Medicare – what is the truth?  I do not even know how to answer that at this level, I am still searching for it everyday. But, I came to a conclusion that the truth begins with me looking internally and starting at the beginning.

Whether we believe that we were created by evolution, or by a higher power – A God, or both, I think really does not matter, as much as we realize that when we were created we had a balance of good and evil. I believe that the truth and our acceptance of it, lies in that balance between knowing what is right and what is wrong and knowing when we expel them both into the world. Take for instance when we help an elderly person across the road. We intrinsically know that it is not only right, but good, by the way it makes us feel like we have helped humanity is a small sense. Or on the opposite spectrum we yell at the waiter because our food is not cooked properly. We intrinsically know that it is not only wrong, but evil, also by the way it makes us feel at the end of the day. Did the waiter have anything to do with cooking our food? no. Did yelling at the waiter change anything? Did it make you feel good? Probably not. It probably took some time for the anger and disappointment to subside. When we start applying that thought process to our daily lives, I think we will find at minimal our own truth.

Once I started there and could recognize when I was knocking somebody down as opposed to lifting them up, then I could begin to recognize some of the conditioning and intolerance I had been taught, even self-taught. I was about to use the words “trust me”, but really trust yourselves. Instead, I will say in my experience sometimes awareness and recognition are not that easy to see or obtain is a better word. All I know for sure is it all begins with the choice I make to the side of the balance scale I want to go. And there in lies the first real truth. Where do we go from there? I do not know. But, my heart believes that the mass of humanity really just wants to be able to make that same choice for themselves everyday. But, the conditioning and indoctrinating is getting in the way. I will continue to hope that we all individually find a way to burn through that conditioning and indoctrinating to find our basic beginning truths. And that when we do we realize that that is what freedom is, the ability to choose our truth – for is that not what every person wants – to be free?

May we all search for the truth. The ones within ourselves, the ones in our daily lives, and the ones that effect the masses. I will continue my struggle to find it at all levels from now until I guess I depart this world. But one thing I can tell you for sure, is when you visit me here I will always express to you what I believe to be my truth no matter the subject. As I like to be the light in people’s lives and not the darkness, I will also try to make it on the good side of my scale, but I can not make any promises. Feel free to leave your thoughts. But know that someone’s truth may be coming off the evil side of their scale. Please try not to let it bother you, but to recognize it for what it is – their truth at that moment.

 

Be Who You Are…

The comment to my last post and my reply have been weighing heavy on my mind the last few days. As I was sensing anger in the commenter, I replied that I was allowing the comment to go through and then added a but. I mentioned being honest in that reply. So if I am, then my reply was simply in my wanting to possibly tone down the anger. My fear is that anger leads to hatred and hatred gets us nowhere. Hence, my homepage saying I wanted a positive environment for everyone. Even my significant other tells me quite often “you cannot be positive all the time”. No you cannot and I do get angry. But I suppose, I try very very hard to suppress it and release it in a more positive way. So in replying the way I did, I have been questioning myself, was I allowing him to be who he was? I want him to know it was not my intent to even remotely try to stifle that in him-If I did. Because to his point, this is my page and I have power here. I suppose I am trying to find balance as I listen, try to absorb, and change in ways that I need to.

Those thoughts led me to something else he said. That was that discussions needed to be had. I 100% wholeheartedly agree with that, they do. I also believe though hatred and anger need to be toned down as well. But how and where do we begin. I hear constantly people saying “discussions need to take place”, “we need to heal each other”, “we need to love each other”, among other things. Every post I make, I invite you all along and I invite you to have a voice and to participate. Then I wonder why you are not? Do you not have time? Do you not want to be heard? Do you not want to be part of a solution? Do you not like me? or the things I say? Are you afraid? I hope to one day find out the reasoning, as for now I will continue to be as authentic of myself as I can be and continue to ask you to join me. I know you will when you are ready. I am so thankful for the ones that do. They make me more hopeful everyday that there are people ready to be who they are and let their voice be heard – whether they are angry or not.

These last few days I have also thought about a couple of things that I experienced in the last few months. The first, a new person brought into my life. He is from a country that experienced a genocide and survived it. We had many discussions about the why it happened, the how it happened, the who it happened to, the changes that came about from it, as well as, thoughts about this country; its great accomplishments, its triumphs, its biggest disappointments, and failures. I was able to see the perspective of someone not born in my country and I shared my perspective as someone who was born here. There is a lot to learn when we take the time to get to know each other. But knowing each other has to start with authentically being who we are and to not be afraid to share that. Matter of fact, on a humorous note, he asked me if everyone in Texas wore jeans and boots all the time, even in 100 degree heat. Well that lets you know my attire for the entire week we spent learning about each other. I said no, believe it or not, there are women in Texas that actually wear dresses, skirts, flip-flops, high heels, etc. I told him, sadly or not, that I was unfortunately not one of them women. That I thought most people dressed for others and that I preferred to dress for comfort. I told him for the most part I was not afraid to wear my boots with shorts, skirts, dresses, you name it – they are so comfortable. He laughed. I would like to hope I made a friend. But if he was only supposed to be put in my life for a brief moment, then I will cherish the discussions and the things I learned and took away from them.

The other, a project I was asked to take part in. I absolutely did and loved the idea of it in the first place. A great-nephew is on his way to college. Embarking on that journey that takes us from childhood into adulthood. The project involved us writing our thoughts, stories, poems, quotes, words, words of encouragement, memories, etc.. Anything we wanted to write and leave for him. They were all put in a jar and given to him as he graduated from high school. He has read them all and I hope he keeps them forever and takes them out periodically. I find it interesting to see how much we change, have changed, or are changing; I hope he does too. Because I have been away from my family for a long time, although the memories are great, they tend to be few. So I decided to provide things I’ve learned and thoughts of my own journey. One of the things I wrote to him was “Be Who You Are”.  For me and maybe all of us that may constantly change as we learn and experience things. I wanted him to read those words because it took me a long time in life to not only be that, but far more importantly appreciate that. Just as important, there have been people brought into my life at different junctures, that in their own way tried to get those words across to me. I will be forever thankful for them and appreciative of the life lesson learned as I hope he will be also.. I have no doubt that he will.

So I think my thought is that all of the healing needs to start with us individually being who we are, while also allowing each other to also be that. And as I release the weight that has been burdening me the last few days, I make a promise to try to step back and let you all be that, even if that is angry. I will do my best to try to dispel the difference between anger and hatred and ask that when and if you come you leave the latter at the door. I will also continue to bring you who I am and do my best to try to be part of the solution and not the problem. And when you are ready, when you find your voice, those of us here or at least I, will welcome you with open arms and will be excited to get to know you and hear what you have to add to the discussion.. If you just want to keep reading for now, that is okay and I thank you for taking the time to read what I have to say and for your interest in trying to get to know me.. Whether this is the time you add or not, please remember to “Be Who You Are” because no matter what anyone says — that person is wonderful and awesome…..

The “For Real” Blame Game – Who’s To Blame?

Something recently reminded me of a conversation I had with one of my sisters last year. We were discussing major problems, as we saw them, in and with the country we choose to live in. She stated to me that she thought mental health was a big issue; I agreed. Not my number one though, I told her. Mental health is a big issue and one I hope to address in a future blog post. But, when I mentioned to her what I thought was high on the list she said oh yeah. So today, I want to discuss something close if not my number one. I want to discuss the huge lack of personal responsibility prevalent in today’s society.

I’ll begin by mentioning a story that I wrote several years ago. I called it The Blame Game. It was an anecdotal tale of the goings on of eleven kids and how at times one or a group of us would do something and let others in the family take the blame, or we would flat-out blame others, or we would be punished for or accept blame for things other family members did. I am sure most of you can relate. I sent this story to a brother of mine to review and provide his thoughts. His first words were “WOW! what a bold topic.” I remember those words as if it was yesterday. It was a bold topic. But, was my story bold? Was I taking on the topic as I should? Was I being thought-provoking? Well, my answer to all those questions was a resounding NO. I still might not take the topic on as I should, but I am going to try to hit the surface at least.

The blame game is something we play, knowingly or not, when we either refuse to, do not want to, or just plain do not…. take personal responsibility for ourselves and the choices we make. I say knowingly or not, as I feel sometimes we do not think about, do not expect, or do not want a consequence that comes about through a choice we made. Maybe we just did not think about all the “what ifs” before we did something. Maybe we just did not take responsibility because we never knew what the outcome was. Did it mean we did not care? or were we just not paying enough attention? I do not know, maybe you do. Still there are other times I feel we know exactly what we are doing and we get the exact reaction we expect. Then we act like we did not know what was going to happen and outright blame someone else. What does that say about us and who we are? Well guess what, all of it is definitely not a game.

I may never know some of the events my choices have brought about. But, as long as, I am willing to take ownership when they present themselves, whether good or bad, then that is how it should be. And if I take the time to think about the “what ifs” and consider all possible outcomes and am willing to accept any consequences, should they arise, for my actions, then that too is as it should be. What should not be, is me taking action in which there are no consequences should things go horribly wrong. The latter is how societal breakdown and chaos ensue.

Personal responsibility begins with me and it should begin with you too. Not only in the small daily little things, but also in the enormous things we are entrusted with. Things, like a nation of laws that we are not only allowed to participate in, but are implored, maybe even required to participate in. Take for example, what happens if I am a bully as a child and there are no consequences for my actions? Chances are I become a bully in my adulthood. What happens if there are still no consequences? What happens if there is a death as a result of my bullying and I am not held accountable? How could any place survive? Or how could I even expect any place to survive if things like that happen? If we do not hold ourselves accountable for our own actions, how can we hold anyone else accountable for theirs?

Maybe it is time to make a change. Maybe it is time we start holding ourselves and each other accountable for our decisions, choices, etc. I am willing to step up and take my good and bad in this ride called life. Are you willing to join me? I’ll leave you with some quotes as food for thought. When your done reading and thinking, I hope you will leave all of us some of your own food for thought. The following quotes are compliments of www.goodreads.com:

“Manliness consists not in bluff, bravado, or loneliness. It consists in daring to do the right thing and facing consequences whether it is in matters social, political, or other. It consists in deeds not words.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi

“In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make ultimately our own responsibility.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

“We must reject the idea that every time a law is broken, society is guilty rather than the law-breaker. It is time to restore the American precept that each individual is accountable for his/her actions.” ~ Ronald Reagan

Kudos For A Job Well Done..

Those of us that choose to live rural or own a home know that our work is never done.  There is always something to update or repair, lawns to mow, trees to trim, etc. We keep a never-ending to do list and try to cross off as many things as we can. This is a post not only about us, but about work, the men and women that do it, and the celebration when it is complete.

I will begin with a story that starts several weeks ago when we started phase one of a multi-phase job. We had a tree approximately forty-five to fifty feet tall that needed to be taken down. So I on a tractor and another with chainsaw in hand took to completing our task. With a little ingenuity We laid that tree precisely where we wanted it and began cutting it in large lengths. Then we hauled the large pieces to an area in preparation for phase two and smaller unusable pieces to an area for destruction. Phase two happened on a couple different days that I did not partake in. It consisted of sawing those large pieces into smaller, more manageable pieces for splitting. Phase three began at seventy-three degrees in the morning hours a day or so ago. It was the splitting, loading, unloading, and stacking phase. For those that might not know wood gets stacked in piles and left to cure for about a year before it is dry enough for use. So four or five hours later at ninety degrees (heat index of one hundred and two), phase three was complete. A little tired and definitely hot, I stood there looking at the stacked pile feeling a sense of accomplishment, a sense of self-satisfaction for a job well done. A much-needed rest followed before trying to tackle the next task.

So if you, like me, have put your time and effort into completing a task at hand today, whether or not you were paid for it, step back and pat yourself on the back. Take a deep breath and feel that same feeling of self-satisfaction for your job well done. It is time that we celebrate those moments in ourselves and in each other. And as we celebrate, a few things that maybe we can keep in mind as we do so are to follow:

First, that there is no job or task that is too small for us to feel that sense of accomplishment. As a matter of fact a friend of mine just reminded me of this. He mentioned to me that there had been an event at which one of the speakers spoke about accomplishing tasks. With a little research, I found that the speaker was Admiral McRaven, a navy seal. The admiral spoke at the University of Texas at Austin’s graduation commencement in 2014. Here is an excerpt from his speech: “If you make your bed every morning, you will have accomplished the first task of the day. It will give you a small sense of pride and it will encourage you to do another task, and another, and another.” Even if that task, making your bed, is the only task you did today, take pride in the fact that you accomplished something and imagine what tomorrow could bring if you add in more. And the days full of task accomplishments are ones for all of us to relish in and aim to repeat.

Second, it matters not the job you do, whether it be sending a rocket to the moon or cleaning public toilets, it matters that you do that job with care and integrity. A long time ago I had a dish washing job and one of the kitchen staff did not show up for work. The chef asked me to step in and help. That day she taught me a valuable lesson. She told me “do not put anything on the plate that you would not want to put in your mouth and eat.” I have never forgotten those words and have tried to apply them in my work situations since. Over the years I have had to train other staff members and have tried to pass on this same valuable lesson. I tell them what I was told and how I have incorporated it into every job I have ever had. Beginning with, if you wouldn’t want to eat off a dirty plate, then make sure that you clean every plate well. Right up to, if you wouldn’t want to sit on a dirty toilet, then make sure it is clean before and after you use it. Luckily, those are all jobs in the past, but I think you understand my point.

Lastly, as we go about our busy day, we should not fail to recognize a job well done and thank the person who did it. While some may not need this recognition from us as their work ethic allows them to be self-satisfied, others might need the affirmation that they have done a good job before they can recognize it in themselves. Either way it always warms the heart when we are thanked for our efforts and feel appreciated. So lest we forget what it feels like when we are appreciated, maybe we can pass that feeling on to others who may need it in their daily grind. Here is hoping someone thanks you today and maybe today you will tell us all what task you completed that filled you with pride. That way we can all appreciate a job well done and celebrate it.