Author: Lauras

Dear Santa,

In case you are wondering if us adults still believe in you, I am here to let you know for sure, I do. I cannot imagine that I am the only one either. Knowing that, let me begin by warning you to be prepared. You see, I have no intention on ever becoming too big or too old to come to you for my Christmas wishes and I will also always want a photo. For your sake though, I will save your knee from my excess weight and will leave that to the littler ones.  I know!! whew…

I also want to thank you for all the past Christmas wishes you have fulfilled for me. Many stand out in my mind, though one in particular I will never forget. It was my first Christmas away from my family. I am sure you remember. I was someplace new, living in a place I just moved into, with no friends, no family, and seemingly going to be alone on my first Christmas away from home. That was hard for me as all my prior Christmases with a very large family were always lovingly chaotic and loud and fun. So when everyone left my new place to spend Christmas with their respective families, not only was I alone, I was also lonely. I can only equate your Christmas magic and miracles to answering my Christmas wish to not feel so lonely. True to your generosity, I awoke Christmas morning alone, yet I was no longer lonely. Somehow Christmas morning I awoke with a complete feeling of warmth and love and I knew that I was not alone and would never be again.

That memory leads me into this years Christmas wish and trust me I do not do anything easy – so sorry in advance. I really hope this has been a nice year for me and not a naughty as I really would like this wish granted. I am also hoping you do not have to check your list twice to find me. With that said, this year if I could have one thing for Christmas it would be more TIME..

Time to do more housework and yard work. More time to work on my book, business, and blog. Way more important though, time to spend and share with others. I wish I had more time to tell Michael and DD that I miss their friendship and thank them for how beautiful they both made me feel. Time to tell my parents that I miss them, love them, and am so thankful for the family they brought me into. Time to spend with my siblings, nieces and nephews, and great-nieces and great-nephews, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. I remember when we were all in grade school and now we are in our fifties and sixties. My nieces and nephews were just being born and some now have kids of their own. Being away from home I have missed a lot, but every minute I get to spend with them is cherished. I will not forget those that have been my friends, are my friends, and those yet to become my friends. The moments spent with them, though fleeting, with us laughing, talking, crying, etc are irreplaceable. Those moments do much for my heart and soul.

I also wish I had more moments to ask forgiveness from those I may have harmed along my journey – knowingly or not. And even more so, moments to find forgiveness for those that may have harmed me – knowingly or not. And sometimes I just love the moments, I can sit out with a cup of coffee in my hand, and just experience life; listening to the chirping of the birds and the whistling of the wind, watching the blossoming of the trees and the people and traffic going by, watching the rain or snow falling to the ground, and smelling whatever it is that my man is cooking for breakfast. Even in my stillness the time is not wasted.

I have learned in life, that all things take time. So please Santa if you would, please give me a little more time. I promise you, I will not waste a minute.

With Love and hope that you get to rest after your busy season,

Laura Standrowicz

 

So something happened this past week that had me wanting to write a post about a certain topic. A conversation the next day with people feeling the exact same way told me I was on the right path. The topic; respect. Webster’s Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary defines that word as “a relation to or concern with something, or an act of giving particular attention”.  The word may have crossed your mind a time or two during this busy holiday season. What better time than now to maybe raise a little awareness to the fact that we are all guilty of disrespect. Most of which is unintentional or because of lack of knowledge in my opinion. But there are those that for some unknown reason do it intentionally. I may never reach them. But, if I can change just a few lives, than maybe I have done my part.

I will not go into full detail about what happened to us, other than to say it was blatantly obvious that this person had the intent to disrespect us. My guess is that they wanted a scene to be made. Trust me, we could have done several things that would have caused that to happen. And I will not say that several did not cross our minds and were very hard for us to resist doing. I am, however, trying to be aware of my place in solutions and not problems. So with that said, we moved on and got what we needed to get done. Before leaving the premises, however, I did politely and nicely speak to the manager, who I knew could do nothing about what the customer did. I also took corporate information. The manager did apologize, we accepted and went on our merry way.  At this point, I have still done nothing with the corporate information as I try to find a way to suggest or recommend a positive solution to those up the managerial chain. I could just complain, but I would rather see a beneficial solution to an ongoing problem with the location and bring some respect back to the equation.

The next day, I got into a discussion with a couple of gentlemen that drive trucks (eighteen wheeler) for a living. And boy did I get an earful of how disrespected they felt. Having worked several years in close proximity to them, I so could empathize with what they felt. I have watched people tell them “oh, you are only a truck driver”. I thought to myself, if people only knew. It did not take me very long working in the industry to realize that everything in my life, and I do mean everything, is hauled by a truck driver at some point. Whether it be the materials my home is made of, or the food on my table, or the stove that heats my house, everything is transported by a truck driver and we should keep that in mind.

On top of that, try to imagine that your job has you on the road all day, everyday. Now add in mass population scurrying around in their daily lives. I think our lack of knowledge puts us in dangerous situations we do not mean to put ourselves in. You see this truck driver knows that his or her empty weight maybe somewhere around 40,000 pounds, and if he or she is full 80,000 pounds. Although they could have a permit to be even heavier than that depending on what they are hauling. So when we, not thinking, cut them off, imagine his or her stress to slow, stop, and/or avoid impact with our 5,000 pound vehicle. One of the gentleman even said he was ticketed for swerving out of his lane recently, even though the police officer clearly saw the woman (with two children in the rear seat) cut him off. His choices, a probability of death to more than one had he proceeded on course or swerve to avoid an accident. I am not the only one, I am sure, glad he chose the latter. Sadly, he paid a price.

These are just a few examples to try to raise awareness to what we all do in our hundred mile an hour hectic lives. I know you have your own horror stories to tell. We all probably have several a day. With that said, maybe the next time we run in someplace as they are closing, we will be aware of the disrespect to the establishment. Maybe when our phone rings and we are at the check out, we will think twice about disrespecting the cashier and others in line behind us. I know in my personal life there are things I can put off, if need be, to show appropriate respect. Although I fail miserably some days, I am now trying to make an effort to change that. If we all just took a minute everyday and became aware of what we do, imagine the improvement to the level of respect. I have had my minute, have you taken yours?

 

 

The title pretty much says exactly how I feel. Most of humanity, I believe, have their horror stories of being sexually harassed, harassed, raped, or somehow victimized in other ways. And even if for their own healing or benefit, their stories need to be told and heard. In the process of doing this I think we all need to recognize something far more important, and that is, that everyone’s individual response to their horror story has changed the life of someone else; whether for the better or the worse. Now I am not sure exactly how I feel about today’s goings on with the destruction of people’s lives some decades later. It may just be a necessary evil, however, needed to wipe the slate clean and give us an opportunity for drastic change. For myself, I have always been a two wrongs do not make it right kind of person and think it is better to try to find the cause of the behavior and fix it instead of allowing victimization to continue for years and to many others and then destroy lives. At least that was my attempted response to my me too moments.

Now another me too moment that I am keenly aware of, is my mothers. Looking back at our upbringing and some of the things she brought into our lives, I can see the conflict in her, caused by her me too moments. There are probably many things she did wrong in our upbringing as she refused to admit and face her demons. But, there are definitely many things that she did right. We always had food on our table, beds to sleep in, a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs, etc.. She even provided these things, if only temporarily, to others who she recognized needed the help. Most of those others remain a part of our tight-knit family and are considered siblings to this day.

I want to shine the light on the outcomes of the things that she did right. Because we all have the choice to do right in the face of something horrific happening to us. I am unsure if my siblings would agree with me in the outcomes of what she did right. When I look at them, I see it shining so brightly in their successes. Now you might define success the way Oxford Dictionary defines it “The attainment of fame, wealth, or social status“; I do not. The fact that all of us are loving, compassionate, generous people is probably my mothers greatest success. Add to that, all of those things have now been passed on to further generations; grandchildren, great-grand children, etc.. We are all educated and have great work ethics, strength, resiliency, stubbornness, and I could go on. I consider us a success because we all learned to give back to humanity and what better definition for that word is there than that.

Maybe if we all thought of success in those terms, than we would not make the trade-off of our silence for careers, money, or any other means. Yes it is hard, demoralizing, shameful, and fearful to do the right thing sometimes. And maybe the right thing for each of our moments is to simply protect ourselves. Maybe it is to stop the cycle no matter the cost to ourselves. I wish I had the answer to what the right thing is. Maybe if I knew it and could spread it, we could minimize the amount of victims. Maybe the knowledge that it is all about power is the best place to start. Maybe if we add in the recognition that some are just evil and some are passing on what they were taught as victims of the me too, than we can begin to make changes.

I would like to hope that me too moments would be wiped from the face of humanity, but evil exists and so they shall continue. So if we know this to be true, that they will continue, how can we fix the damage once it is done? or can we? Many say it is too late then. I would like to think that anything and everything is fixable. So as we wipe the slate clean, for the sake of humanity, we should try to find ways to fill the slate with the necessary things that will better us all.

 

Many years ago someone said to me “Do not expect me to tell you I love you everyday. Those words are so overused and people do not mean them anymore”. True to their word, the amount of times I have heard those words I can probably count on both hands. That is not to say they have not loved me or shown me love. I have felt their love in numerous ways. In how they support me, in their communications with me, in the interest they have shown to teach me things, etc.. I write this post as two others, in recent days, have made the exact same statement to me. So if I am to be honest with myself and you, I have found and continue to find validity in their words.

Love is an emotion that we give to and share with each other. In an article I read today someone said they loved their car and a book. NO – you like your car and a book. You cannot love them because neither of those two things can feel emotion or return it. We have replaced words like appreciation, like, and gratitude with the word love. It is time we put love back in its appropriate place and truly mean what we say. I will use the word guilty to describe all of us. Even worse, I might think, there are times when I feel that emotion and should say those words and do not. I guess I have to believe in my heart that the recipient can feel the emotion even if I do not say as much. It is my hope that they feel it in the same way I do; in my support of them, or my communications with them, or in the well thought out gifts I give including my time.

When I see the truths in what these three have said to me and am perceptive to it, my mind says no wonder we are in the volatile place we are. In the process of detaching the emotion from the word, we have allowed negativity and hatred to fill the void in between. We have so skewed the meaning of the word. We tell someone we love them as we beat them, we love them as we belittle and rape them, we carry a sign with the word love and swing it at someone. How do we expect anyone to truly know what love is? Only by saying and showing it at the same time can we truly teach someone what it is. Sadly, in all our years in this separation, we have no idea the damage we have caused each other. And in our struggles with this separation there has been so much pain, that we have found ways or tried to find ways to numb it instead of fixing it. In its purest sense love should bring peace, joy, happiness, calm, safety, and security, among other things.

I shed this light only to burn a brighter one.  I see the awakening and feel the healing in myself and others as people begin to speak their truth and release their pain. You may not yet see this awakening, but I and others feel it coming at us like a freight train. Many yell at the top of their lungs that it is too late to do anything about the damage. We must know it will not be easy to cure or fix the ills. Maybe we are not supposed to. I used the analogy the other day that we currently are like telephone poles and the first one has fallen and the weight on the wires is pulling down the next and then the next. But there is good news and hope rings eternal in me and I know somewhere in you too. That truth be told with every devastating blow, there is a void created and chance for a rebirth. What will we fill the void with?

I say if we can find a way to reconnect and use that word only when we feel its emotion, and even more importantly if we can properly teach it, than I know we can fill the void with love. For there are truths to love – It is powerful, it also has a ripple effect if we choose to pass it on, and most importantly – IT ALWAYS WINS….

Imagine if you will having the combination of curiosity and sensitivity. In my youth I thought it to be the most horrible combination. I can tell you from experience that this combination leads to the possibility and even probability of pain or hurt added into the mix. I tell people all the time that I had the strap on my butt more times in a week than most have had in their lifetimes. You see as soon as I could walk, I wanted to see, touch, feel, learn, etc.. It was not that I did not want to obey my parents, just that what ever caught my attention had a stronger gravitational pull. So my routine between the years of 1 and probably 10 was oh look at that, have to see, oh-oh where are my parents, find somebody to help me find my parents, strap on the butt, and a lot of tears because my butt hurt and I did not know what I did wrong. Eventually I learned that I was putting myself into very dangerous situations and scaring the crap out of my parents at the same time. Sadly for them I learned how to find my way back before I learned self-control. Even possibly more sadly I am not sure how much self-control I have learned. As there is still this strong gravitational pull that yanks me to something I have yet to learn.

Between the years of 10 and 20 something, the pain or hurt no longer involved spankings. Instead, it came with the learning process of things like strength, courage, fortitude, protection, trust, loyalty, honesty to name a few. By the time I reached my late 20s or early 30s, I learned how to use all these things to negate or lessen the blow to my sensitivity.  And am still learning how to use that sensitivity or turn that hurt into a positive solution. I know that learning how to do this will be a constant battle for infinity. I am up for the challenge though.

As far as my curiosity is concerned, that has not changed one bit. I am intrigued by that which I do not know. And It is my belief that we all have things to offer that others do not know and need. The delivery process is what needs to change in my opinion. As I have aged, what I have learned is that when you look at every chance encounter, every meeting, and every discussion there is something for you to learn, as well as, something for you to teach.  As the words flow out of my mouth in every conversation, I realize instantly what it is that needs to be taught to someone. The learning part without self-awareness is much tougher. Sometimes, I realize what I have to learn the second someone speaks it. Other times it takes days, weeks, years, and sometimes a second discussion with someone new before I recognize the lesson. I even believe that when we are simply walking along and a complete stranger catches our eye and we smile at each other. The lessons that we both just taught each other are that we are not invisible; we all have the need to  be recognized at times, and the other that we are simply not alone in whatever it is we are doing and we need to remember that.

If you ask me today about that combination, I would tell you what a blessing life is to have it. You still get excited when you feel that gravitational pull bringing you to something you have yet to learn. You still liven up and run into the unknown to fill yourself with knowledge. Now though, you have the ability to manipulate your sensitivity to approach this learning process with a variety of perspectives. You have the ability to look at the situation from a variety of viewpoints and feel the joy and hurt that comes along with each one. And when you pay attention to that which you feel, when your curiosity is curbed, the decision you need to make becomes clearer and clearer. When you make the decision based on that, you know you are moving your life in the right direction. So for those of you that have this same combination and you think it is deadly, I am here to tell you it is not. Learn how to embrace both and you will not be disappointed by its outcome. Life really truly can be grand. Let’s not only live it, let’s feel it..

 

 

 

Should I admit it? Probably not. Should I live in fear of someone saying I sexually harassed them? I am not going to. And yes you did hear me right. I shot the moon. Some of you who know me, might find that hard to believe. Others are probably laughing right now, saying I am not shocked. Maybe shocking, or not so shocking, there is actually proof floating around out there. You see the only times I have ever mooned in my life was actually for the camera. Pictures taken to be sent to someone as a laughable matter. My apologies to the camera man or woman as they were the ones with the close up view. Course, I did have a nicer butt back then, so maybe it was not so offensive. Do I regret it? No. Did I lose friends over it? Maybe acquaintances, not friends. I always say, those who truly know and love you are going to truly know and love you. Those people will approach you to work out any kind of grievance they have. The others will stir up problems and/or walk away if they cannot rile up the situation. Would I do it again? Very possibly. And guess what, I would fully accept responsibility for my actions today just like I did then. I may not have liked some of the outcomes back then, but I accepted them and moved on. I also learned a great deal about the type of people everyone was, based on the happenings, including myself. That was then, however, and this is now. And if you ask me, we have literally lost all common sense.

Some words of wisdom I think I want to impart. I have learned in my life, that the mere fact that I exist is offensive to some. So in this day and age when we are offended about everything, I am totally going to admit that I have offended and still offend people. Guess what, you do too. Unless we all want to duct tape our mouths and put bags over ourselves, may I suggest we put a little common sense back into society. I am going to tell you a truth. Unless you walk into a room that you are the only one in, you may be offending someone. Can we all just please get over ourselves?

I have or at least am trying; to get over myself I mean. Another little piece of factual information, is that I have a disorder that sometimes, if not all the time, makes my eyes big. Trust me, I think I have heard it all. “Why the hell are you looking at me like that?” “Damn girl, you do not need to look so surprised.” “Yeah I saw your response to those prices, they are high aren’t they?” In each instance I have had to explain that I have a disorder and do not know how big my eyes really are. People then apologize and my normal response is there is no need for an apology. I have even received compliments on how beautiful my eyes are, I say to each his own. The good news is that in more cases than not laughter abounds. The reasoning may be because I choose not to get offended. Maybe we can all start to choose that for ourselves. We just might find that laughter is healing for the soul and we probably should do more of it.

I am so glad I can say that now; about laughter. It may surprise you to learn that the same person that shot the moon was really, really, really sensitive as a child. I was offended and hurt by everything. I probably spent the first two decades of my life, if not more, crying. As a believer in fate, as she or he would have it, I have had some great people in my life that have taught me invaluable lessons. Most of those lessons, probably unintentionally, taught me more about myself than they did about others. I took what I learned from those people and grew a harder shell, learned to not let what others say or do hurt me, and really learned to recognize humor. Today when I look back, I almost feel bad that I allowed others humor to hurt my feelings. And in recent years instead of approaching some and bringing up an offense that I felt at the time, instead I am thanking them for the humor and laughter that they have brought into my life since day one. I tell them it took me a long time to truly appreciate humor, but man do I now, and pretty much recognize it everywhere. Of course, that is when the anger is toned down. Humor is so much easier to see and feel when we live with a little more light in our hearts. So even if I am the butt of the joke, have at me, because everyone’s laughter is not only soothing for their soul it is also soothing for mine.

 

 

There have been a few people in my life that have said things to me that have impacted me so greatly, that not only do I remember what they said verbatim, but the words continue to ring in my ears. I want to tell you about one that has been on my mind the last few days. I will also share with you, what she said to me that I have never forgotten, and a few of my thoughts.

She and I became friends to everyone’s disbelief. People thought we could not be more opposite. She was street smart and me book smart, and she a bad ass biker chick and me, well, I do ride but nothing bad ass about me. I think maybe we needed each other in some way. She had a loyal, kind, generous, loving person in me and I had a protector to watch over me to keep me that way in her. I never did see a bad ass biker when I looked at her. I saw a beautiful and fragile girl putting on an outer shell and it is entirely possible she saw the same thing in me.

When I met her, she had just purchased a motorcycle from a mutual friend. It was a 1957 Panhead that I nicknamed “the outlaw”. They say “the outlaw” was fitting for her; just as bad ass. So bad ass at times, that she would have to work relentlessly at kicking it over. As hard as it was though, she refused to give in and let anyone help. When she finally turned it over, what a noise that machine-made. You could hear and feel it coming before you could see it arrive. To this day, because of that, we still wonder how the freak tragic accident that critically injured her and eventually claimed her life, ever happened.

Back on point, several years prior to her passing, I was having a bad day and went to see her at work. She had no customers so she could take time to talk to me for a few minutes. I was so sad, hurt, and emotional asking her why people we knew were so cruel to me. I did not understand. I have always had a big heart, still do, and I tend to wear it on my sleeve for the most part. So I guess I can be easy prey for some. Anyway, she leaned forward and said “I want you to remember what I am about to tell you” I replied with an okay. She proceeded to tell me that we all have something we are born with and we can choose to give it away, but when we do, we can never get it back. I can hear her today telling me “you have something that they gave away a long long time ago and once they did, they can never get it back and they hate you for that – DO NOT – let them or anyone take that from you ever”.

For years I have wondered what she saw that I had that others have given away. Was it some naivety that I had when I look in wonderment and curiosity at this big wide world? Was it a lack of certain experiences? Was it a non-diminishing hope that love will always win? I still have no idea. There have been, however, different thoughts running through my brain lately. One is my fierce determination to not become them or like them; to not be cruel to others. I think I have honestly made attempts and conscious efforts to watch how I react to others and to situations. When they were cruel to me, I refused to give it back. In most cases, I simply removed myself from the locale or situation and limited my suffering or hurt. The other is a never-ending ability to love through pain and hurt. In today’s society, things like cruelty and hate are so prevalent and visible. It is hard for all of us to refrain when hate and cruelty are thrown at us. Most people throw it back or build a wall to protect themselves. What we really need is to throw back love and that is never ever easy to do once you have been cut. I suppose I try that tactic first; kill them with kindness, and if that does not work I walk away. I also try not to build a wall because what happens if the next person is throwing love? I definitely want to be able to feel that. Maybe from the grave she has been whispering in my ear all these years, keeping me on the straight and narrow. I know that I have become a better person because of her and hope that I have made her proud wherever she is – one of my angels watching over me.

We never know and expect what life has in store for us and some are gone way to early, gone before we share things we should have shown them or told them. I wrote a song or poem about motorcycle riding 5 or 6 years before her accident and never did show her. I want to share with you the part that I wrote about her:

“She’s upon “the outlaw”, the love light in her eye… She’s got a feeling in her, she can’t live without her ride… As she kicks “the outlaw” over, and the engine starts to roar… She knows she’s headed down another road, she knows in this life for her, there’s a whole lot more” ~ Laura Standrowicz  1994

My advice, from her to me to you, lets not wait until it is too late to share what we should share and lets stop sharing the things we should not. I’m ready – are you??